Losing a loved one regardless of how close you were to him or her is difficult, but sometimes not always in the way that you would expect. When we lose someone, we often view that loss as subjective and primarily think of how that loss affects us as individuals. However, one of the pains that we take for granted is how it feels to watch another loved one have to say goodbye to the person who changed and shaped their life.
My family recently lost my godmother, Aunt June. Although we were not related by blood, Aunt June was always treated as family and no one considered her anything other our own. Despite my sadness over the loss of my godmother, the loss I feel is nothing in comparison to the tremendous hole that her death has left in my mother’s life.
Aunt June was abandoned as an infant 85 years ago and was found on the street in Jersey City. She was then placed into foster care and eventually adopted by an abusive foster family who mistreated her in terrible ways that should not be remembered, for they are not what defined Aunt June. Thankfully, she was eventually removed from the house and was sent to a convent where, still a young girl, she finished her high school degree and started studying to become a nurse. She eventually decided that she would become a nun, but before she took her final vows, she decided that the void in her life was a result of never having a true family. Despite leaving the convent, Aunt June still remained a faithful and devout Catholic and she continued being a nurse.
Over 50 years ago, Aunt June began dating a man who was my grandfather’s business partner, which is how my grandparents and my mother met her. Aunt June saw the kind of close-knit family that my mother had and became good friends with my grandparents. Even after the man that she was dating broke up with her, she remained friendly with our family and became a part of it. As Mom grew up, Aunt June called herself my mother’s fairy godmother and that was an accurate description based on all that I know about my godmother. She was a friend to everyone, especially to anyone who needed care when he or she was ill. Moreover, despite her limited money, she would always help someone financially when they needed it. She truly watched out for people and through her kindness, she encompassed the full meaning of a fairy godmother.
Aunt June’s reach was far and without her, there is a real chance that I would not be here today. She helped my mother through her pregnancy with me, and I know that is something that my mother never forgot. Aunt June helped my mother through undoubtedly one of the most challenging times in her life and my mom returned her kindness and did not leave Aunt June’s side as her health began to decline. Aunt June was my mother’s fairy godmother, but my mother became Aunt June’s heart and especially, her voice. After Aunt June had a stroke several years ago that left her incapable of verbalizing her needs, my mother advocated for her in the way that Aunt June would have done for anyone in a similar position. Aunt June and my mother essentially became each other’s fairy godmothers in ways that no one else ever will be.
There are a few things that I know break my mother’s heart about Aunt June. The first is that Aunt June always wondered why she was unloved from the time that she was an infant. The second thing that broke my mother’s heart is the sadness that came from watching Aunt June suffering in silence during her final years. Thirdly, what broke all of our hearts is that despite Aunt June’s kindness to all and the amount of friends that she had over the years, so few of them were by her side when she needed their help and so few were willing to do the same for her as she so selflessly did for them.
Aunt June’s life did not end the way it started; she was not alone and she was not unloved. Her constant acts of kindness are what truly defined her, not the mistreatment of others. In her final days, those who deeply cared about Aunt June surrounded her and although she was silent and distant, those who knew her best knew how she felt about them. Although some people spend their lives wondering where they are from and thinking that they do not belong anywhere, everyone has a place in someone’s heart and everyone’s life matters; my mother ensured that my godmother knew how much she was loved.