Imagine this: you become friends with someone for the first time and they tell you, "it's okay. I like clingy people". You feel like it's okay to be clingy with them so you do. Later, they begin to ignore you and, in a way, you notice that they're starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable. You ask them what's wrong and they reply with "I just don't feel comfortable with you being clingy all the time."
Has this scenario ever happen to you? This is what happens when no boundaries are established in friendship from the start. For a lot of people, establishing boundaries can be a little bit difficult because everyone's boundaries are different. But there are easy ways to get started, and boundaries can be much easier with these.
Before you start getting into any friendship head, on, you need to understand what your own limits are. When you understand your own boundaries and communicate them clearly with others, learning and respecting other people's boundaries can be much easier. Consider the things that make you feel uncomfortable and will tolerate and ask yourself, "what makes me uncomfortable or unsafe in relationships?" When you can identify those, establishing boundaries can be made a lot easier.
One of the most important things anyone can do when it comes to establishing boundaries is to be direct. At a previous internship, I learned that being direct with your boundaries can make establishing them easier, and don't expect anyone to read your mind and know them right away. Plus, not everyone's abilities to read nonverbal social cues are the same, so when they know what makes someone uncomfortable ahead of time, they can keep that in mind and will make you feel much safer.
Establishing boundaries cannot be completed without practising self-awareness. When you're aware of how you're making others uncomfortable, establishing boundaries can be less stressful. If you notice your friend or significant other ignoring you more often, ask yourself, "what am I doing that is making them feel that way?", and ask them directly so they can see that you want to understand they feel. Sometimes, this won't be the case, but asking them will be a step into a healthy relationship because you're showing them how much you care about their feelings and are willing to change certain behaviours so you become a better and healthier person to be around.
Boundaries are one of the most important parts of establishing relationships with others, if not the most important part. Learning the basics of establishing boundaries can make building healthy relationships with others easier and will help you become a better person in the long run. You no longer need to feel stuck when someone says something about their own boundaries that they don't mean. Remembering these and more can help you build your confidence and self-esteem and can show others that you care about them too.
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