My aspirations, thoughts on my future, and overall outlook on life have always had something to do with love. Loving my job, finding hobbies that I love, even simply love all the items I have in my room. My determinations for these aspects of love, though, became nearly as strong as my determination for love in a relationship. None of these things, all-in-all, started to have an immensity of importance in comparison to finding love in someone else, and I began to recognize this when I saw myself losing the love I held for myself.

I’ve often stood anxiously in the past about the factor of age, and know how much it has previously played a role in my life.

I have found that silly number constantly reminding me of the little amount of time I have left to experience life and accomplish my outstanding goals. Sprinkled throughout these goals was the factor of having a relationship—the factor of loving and being loved, and thinking it needed to be done as soon as possible in order to achieve true happiness; to grasp the entire aspect of love within my life.

I guess you could say I have recently been reevaluating this perception I have had. As a perfectionist myself, I always strive for the absolute best—and along the way, I thought being in love would make my life the fullest, happiest, and make me fall in love with my own life in the greatest way possible.

I have had some amazing experiences with relationships that I would never take back, and memories that I will hold onto forever. They were all learning experiences and ways for me to grow, yet it started to become degrading when I felt I had to be in a relationship in order to be in love with my own life.

I look at my life, and although there are days I stub my toe, spill my coffee, or don’t do the best on an exam I study forever for—I do love it. I love it to the point where I don’t want to worry about someone else loving it; about someone loving my life for me, in order for me to be fully happy. I guess that is what I started to notice was happening.

In regards to a close friend, I have admired how they are perfectly content with every aspect of their life and is never in the midst of complaining or worrying about things that are not in their control. While watching how they go about their daily life in the most successful way possible, it has inspired me to take a step back and reevaluate, and most importantly—realize that I had to.

I began to do this after they discussed how the best things in life come naturally, when you least expect them, and running after someone or something is not the way to go about it. They discussed their evolving happiness with themselves, as they do not always need someone else in their life to truly feel the aspect of love.

I took a step back to reflect because I knew I had to.

Some of the absolute best experiences I have encountered have been unexpected, and I’m beginning to learn that life will do its thing, and everything will happen at the perfect time. I truly am a romantic at heart, and know I forever will be, but taking a step back and letting life work its magic is the healthiest way possible.

I strived for a relationship so much until I started to lose the one I have with myself—but I then started to realize that all the other things I love in my life indeed do carry the immensity of importance that finding love in someone else carries. The healthiest love will come when I least expect it, and I have gradually learned to completely accept that.