Sometimes I felt like other girls looked down on me because of the fact that I've never been in a relationship, that not many boys have liked me, that I don't care about how I look everyday (like there's anyone I want to impress..?).
Lately, this has come to my attention a lot. People asking and being surprised that I am almost 21 and have never dated anyone before, let alone had any guy friends really. " I have already spoke publicly about my feelings of being shy and having crushes, so it's not like I've never been interested in other people.
The thought of having a boyfriend is nice; of course it would be nice to know there is a guy who openly loves you. But, I'm glad that I've never been in a relationship before, and I don't walk around in shame with the fact that I'm still single.
Society makes it seem lame that someone has never been in a relationship. But at the same time, society raves about how great it is to be single. But, single meaning after a break-up? Or having been single your whole life?
My friends tell me how lovely it is that I write letters to my future husband, and how "I think it's actually super cool that you haven't had your first kiss yet." But, the other half of the story is that I do this and I say this because I am not alone. Society might see people like me as having a naive view about love/relationships, that this isn't a fairytale world.
The truth of the matter is that I've experienced greater love, love that I will never be able to get from a person or a relationship. (Sorry - I am being "religious" here) I know that the perfect love from God is one that nothing can come close to. I know that my God is the reason why I wait. The reason why I write letters to my future husband, that perfect boyfriend He has for me.
The world tells me to go out, find someone you're interested in, date someone for fun. But my heart tells me that I don't have to listen to the world. Wait. Even if it means 20 years (I don't know!), just wait.
In no way am I saying that dating for fun etc. is wrong (you do you fam). But, if someone asks you about you "love life", or in my case, "the nonexistent love life," be confident with the choices you've made.
If following your gut is what you believe, good. Trust yourself. If following the plan God has for you, also good. Trust Him. But if you're following something else, if you are happy with your decisions, give yourself time to reflect.
I walk around sighing, asking God why I don't have a boyfriend. Then, I giggle to myself and smile because the reason is that He has the perfect person waiting for me.
how can i tell you all that you are
how everyone else in the room is wiped out from the bright of your shine
how i look at your warm young eyes and think of who your thoughts surround
and how badly I want your mind orbiting around me
how when i’m pressed against you
chin burrowed in the crook of your neck
your lips on my forehead
your hands burrowed in my hair
that it feels like where it should be
that it feels like home
and you said that when you visualized your future
you saw yourself in an apartment filled with people with blurred faces
except for one
my smiling face set apart from the rest
and that’s when i knew i was your home too