When You're "Too Nice," You Often Struggle In 5 Unique Ways

When You're "Too Nice," You Often Struggle In 5 Unique Ways

Don’t go the extra mile for someone who would barely even cross the street for you.
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The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word “nice” as: “pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory.” All of which I consider myself to be.

Perhaps it is rooted in the way I was raised. My teachers and parents enforced something referred to as the "Golden Rule" - treat others the way you would like to be treated. I have always kept this childhood memoir embedded into the back of my mind - but over all these years I have found that maybe, sometimes, I’m just a little too nice.

1. When you're “too nice," you say "sorry" too much.

We all have those words or catch phrases people often associate us with. Aside from saying “you’re not wrong” or my silly jokes about “being launched into the void,” I always find myself apologizing, even when I don't have to be. After doing some research, I found that this is psychologically known as “The Sorry Syndrome.”

I constantly feel the need to use the word, even in the smallest situations, that it often ends up cheapening the times I am actually sorry about something.

2. When you're “too nice," you please others before pleasing yourself.

Even when I am aware that I am inconveniencing myself, I still go out of my way to please others - even when they don’t usually ask for it. In addition to saying “sorry” too much, I also say “yes” too much. I commit to too many things at once - and it ultimately ends in having to cancel plans, whether I would like to or not.

3. When you're “too nice,” you often forgive too easily.

As a child, Goldilocks and the Three Bears taught me to “forgive and forget”. But at what point do you forget? And how easily are you expected to forgive? In my experiences, I have found myself forgiving people that didn’t deserve it a little too soon. People who have hurt me, used me, and did not treat me the way I deserved to be.

4. When you're “too nice,” you get taken advantage of.

Looking back on past relationships with other people, I have found that my peers have taken advantage of my kindness - maybe it was unintentional, or so I would like to believe. If you are always so readily available, others see it as a way to use you.

5. When you're “too nice,” you don’t speak up.

In my mind, I know the right thing to say, or the right thing to do. However, when it comes to the actual confrontation… I choke up. I get scared of the outcomes, when often they aren’t all that bad. I tend to overthink absolutely everything, which creates worrying about scenarios that probably won’t even happen.

So, I have realized I’m too nice. What now?

As the saying goes, the first step to fixing your problem is admitting you have one - and finally, I am going to do something about it. Being nice is not a problem at all, don’t get me wrong, but when it comes to the point where you’re a doormat to other people. It’s a problem.

From this point on, I am going to begin to say “no” when presented with situations that may inconvenience me. I am going to stop saying “sorry” all the time, and realize the strength a word can hold when I really am sorry.

I am going to be honest about how I feel and stand up for myself. I am going to voice my opinion, with no regard to what others might think about it. I am going to realize that I cannot simply please everyone. I am going to say the word "no" without fear. I am going to be more assertive.

And most importantly, in doing these things, I am going to realize my worth.

Sometimes being nice can be dangerous. You have to show your mean side once in a while to avoid getting hurt.

To all the others out there who are also “too nice”, don’t let the people in your life see your niceness as a way to walk all over you. I know it can be hard, and quite frankly I’m only just beginning to learn to tone down the niceness.

Try to put yourself first. Make sure you are happy with yourself before making others happy. Don’t go the extra mile for someone who would barely even cross the street for you. From one “nice” person to another, stand up for yourself.

You are enough.

Cover Image Credit: Tatum Van Dam

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You, the girl with a heart full of love and no place big enough to store it all.

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Our generation is so caught up in this notion that it's "cool" not to care about anything or anyone. I know you've tried to do just that.

I'm sure there was a brief moment where you genuinely believed you were capable of not caring, especially since you convinced everyone around you that you didn't. But that just isn't true, is it? Don't be ashamed of this, don't let anyone ridicule you for having emotions.

After everything life has put you through, you have still remained soft.

This is what makes you, you. This is what makes you beautiful. You care so deeply and love so boldly and it is incredible, never let the world take this from you.

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You are the girl who will give and give and give until you have absolutely nothing left. Some may see this as a weakness, an inconvenience, the perfect excuse to walk all over you. I know you try to make sense of it all, why someone you cared so much about would treat you the way they did.

You'll make excuses for them, rationalize it and turn it all around on yourself.

You'll tell yourself that maybe just maybe they will change even though you know deep down they won't. You gave them everything you had and it still feels as if they took it all and ran. When this happens, remind yourself that you are not a reflection of those who cannot love you. The way that people treat you does not define who you are. Tell yourself this every day, over and over until it sticks. Remind yourself that you are gold, darling, and sometimes they will prefer silver and that is OK.

I know you feel guilty when you have to say no to something, I know you feel like you are letting everyone you love down when you do. Listen to me, it is not your responsibility to tend to everyone else's feelings all the time. By all means, treat their feelings with care, but remember it is not the end of the world when you cannot help them right away.

Remember that it is OK to say no.

You don't have to take care of everyone else all the time. Sometimes it's OK to say no to lunch with your friends and just stay home in bed to watch Netflix when you need a minute for yourself. I know sometimes this is much easier said than done because you are worried about letting other people down, but please give it a try.

With all of this, please remember that you matter. Do not be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself. You owe yourself the same kind of love and patience and kindness and everything that you have given everyone else. It is OK to think about and put yourself first. Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You are so incredibly loved even when it doesn't feel like it, please always remember that. You cannot fill others up when your own cup is empty. Take care of yourself.

Cover Image Credit: Charcoal Alley

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Finally Getting Into A Gym Routine In College Has Helped My Body And Mind

Being active in college is extremely important for both your physical and mental health.

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In high school, I played volleyball in the fall and ran track in the spring, meaning that for the most part, I was pretty active and worked out almost every day. However, ever since I graduated and came to college, I've been slacking on staying active. Throughout my whole freshman year of college, I told myself every day that I would start going to the gym again. Surprise — that never happened. This became a habit for the rest of my freshman year and into the summer. Although it was something I thought about doing a lot, I always made excuses that would prohibit me from going to work out. Whether I had work, an exam the next day, or would rather hangout with my friends, there was always a reason as to why I didn't have time to go to the gym. In the back of my mind, I know it was just me being lazy, which I recognize is an issue that many college students have.

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According to Heathline, exercising even just for small amounts of time during the week is proven to make you feel happier, improve your mood, help with getting a good night's sleep, benefit your muscles and bones, increase energy levels and productivity, help your brain health and cognitive functions, and reduce the risk of illness and disease. These are just some of the proven benefits of maintaining an exercise routine, and I've definitely noticed a lot of them in my own life. The best part about it is that you can do whatever sort of exercise you're comfortable with. Whether it's going on a run outside, lifting weights at the gym or doing less intense exercises in your room, all physical activity will have a positive effect on your body and mind as a whole.

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