I'm Spoiled: Stop Shaming Me

I'm Spoiled: Stop Shaming Me

I'm blessed with parents that provide for me, but they didn't "hand" me everything,
25699
views

“You were fed the silver spoon your entire life, weren't you?"

I've gotten this comment on a few occasions. For some odd reason though, people tend to shame people like me. I have always gotten comments from people saying that I am "spoiled rotten."

Any time my parents provide for me, a lot of people look down on me. I never understood why people always project such negativity about this. It's such a blessing to have parents who want to do so much for you. It's nothing to shame.

Whether it be sending money to my account because I'm broke and hungry or buying me a nice Easter dress for church (shoot, sometimes they're nice enough to get a nice matching pair of shoes and jewelry), my parents help me out.

When I left for college, they were nice enough to get me a substantially nice car and other things to take down there with me. While I'm in school, they give me an allowance and urge me to focus on my school. They pay for my groceries, textbooks, tuition, gas, car notes, rent, sorority dues, and the rest of the essentials. When I ask for money, most of the time they give it to me.

They do these things because they love me and want the best.

In their eyes, the best parenting style is to help their kids become successful and reach the point to where we can be self-sufficient. They cherish youth and fully believe we should get to experience life before work really becomes our life. They allowed me to attend a university as a freshman and go Greek because they experienced it; however, the difference is that each had to work to make it happen.

As parents, they just want me to have the best experience possible. A better experience than theirs.

They don't want us growing up too fast. As parents, they believe it is their place to provide this. They didn't come from too much, so they want to share what they have worked hard for. They want to give me the life they didn't get to have.

No, they do not want me working a full-time job to pay for these things and lose track in school.

They understand how crucial it is in this world today to have a degree. They know that if I have a full-time job paying for everything, I will become physically and mentally exhausted. Being in school is already a job, so they really don't want to pay for something that won't benefit me because I'm too consumed in working. They just don't believe that such heavy financial responsibility should come this soon in my life. I have an entire life where I will have to do it.

They want to provide me with the means to reach my goals and see me succeed more than they ever did.

Isn't that every parent's goal? Why am I wrong to have parents that have those goals?

While keeping this mindset, they also understand that the world is a “fend for yourself" type of place. They aren't going to let me go into the real world without understanding responsibility, accountability, and independence. These things? They don't hand to me.

They definitely provide support, feedback, and their perspectives on things. They teach me to the best of their ability. However, they never impose their beliefs on me. When I am wrong about anything, they let me find out for myself that I am wrong.

They allow me to make mistakes. They back off and let me understand firsthand the consequences of my actions and decisions. They want me to see with my own eyes the kind of world we live in, and they know that's not something they can control.

Sometimes, I wish I had my parents forcing me to do something I should've, or forced me not to make a bad decision. If they would have done that, what would I have learned? They told me what the right thing was to do, but I had to learn it was the right thing to do, whether it was from listening or seeing it. I needed those hands-on experiences to learn. Having someone over my shoulder telling me what to do would not have helped me learn what reality really is. I had to see it for myself.

Ultimately, they want me to be on my own when it comes to learning.

The biggest lessons I have learned in life have been learned through myself and my experiences. They will never intervene in my problems and clean up any mess I made. One day, they know I will be making money to support myself; however, they do not know what my decisions will be. They know that decision making is so important, so they want me to learn how to make my own decisions and be able to think for myself.

Accountability, responsibility, and independence all result from this. They know these three things are only things I can provide myself, not them. They always made sure I was in a position to where I had to learn these things. People thought I just "got my way" because I wasn't too limited to what I was allowed to do. Rules were not too strict in my household. No, my parents did this on purpose-- they wanted to teach me accountability for myself.

Yes, my parents make sure I am taken care of until I can provide for myself.

They highly value education and social skills. They don't want me losing both of these things because of a job. You learn professional social skills at a job, not everyday social skills.

Even if I am materialistically and financially handed "everything," I still work my butt every day in different areas. From time to time, I've picked up part-time jobs for the extra money and to learn responsibility. Whose choice was it to get a job? Mine.

My parents didn't teach me work ethic, I did.

When it came to school, they never forced me to be a straight-A student. They allowed me to make my own academic decisions and discipline myself — because, in real life, they believe decision making and discipline are crucial to a job. They can't make me do well at my job or discipline me to attend it-- only I can. My parents didn't "hand me" those As or my honor graduate tassel, I earned it.

I still work my butt off to grow as a better person while battling adversities that make life harder for anyone.

Just because my parents provide for me doesn't mean I am exempt from real life situations. I still have my own problems to face without them. I'm not clueless to reality or someone who has had everything handed to them. Stop shaming people like me because we're lucky to have parents who want to do so much for us.

Every situation is different and every parent is different. Just because I have parents who want to provide more than emotional support and have different values does not make either of us wrong in any way. Parents who can't or choose not to do the same as mine are not wrong either. Every parent has a different lesson they want their own children to learn and a different way to teach it. More importantly, the kid should not be scorned for their situation whether it be good or bad.

I may lack financial responsibility and may not have fully grasped the concept of good decision-making yet.

One day, I will though. I'm a young adult, I'm still learning. I am forever thankful for parents like mine that allow me to enjoy the world before I become consumed in it.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind having a parenting style like this one day.

Cover Image Credit: Nikki Halsted

Popular Right Now

Working With People Who Are Dying Teaches You So Much About How To Live

Spending time with hospice patients taught me about the art of dying.

71525
views

Death is a difficult subject.

It is addressed differently across cultures, lifestyles, and religions, and it can be difficult to find the right words to say when in the company of someone who is dying. I have spent a lot of time working with hospice patients, and I bore witness to the varying degrees of memory loss and cognitive decline that accompany aging and disease.

The patients I worked with had diverse stories and interests, and although we might have had some trouble understanding each other, we found ways to communicate that transcended any typical conversation.

I especially learned a lot from patients severely affected by dementia.

They spoke in riddles, but their emotions were clearly communicated through their facial expressions and general demeanor, which told a story all on their own.

We would connect through smiles and short phrases, yes or no questions, but more often than not, their minds were in another place. Some patients would repeat the details of the same event, over and over, with varying levels of detail each time.

Others would revert to a child-like state, wondering about their parents, about school, and about family and friends they hadn't seen in a long time.

I often wondered why their minds chose to wander to a certain event or time period and leave them stranded there before the end of their life. Was an emotionally salient event reinforcing itself in their memories?

Was their subconscious trying to reconnect with people from their past? All I could do was agree and follow their lead because the last thing I wanted to do was break their pleasant memory.

I felt honored to be able to spend time with them, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was intruding on their final moments, moments that might be better spent with family and loved ones. I didn't know them in their life, so I wondered how they benefited from my presence in their death.

However, after learning that several of the patients I visited didn't have anyone to come to see them, I began to cherish every moment spent, whether it was in laughter or in tears. Several of the patients never remembered me. Each week, I was a new person, and each week they had a different variation of the same story that they needed to tell me.

In a way, it might have made it easier to start fresh every week rather than to grow attached to a person they would soon leave.

Usually, the stories were light-hearted.

They were reliving a memory or experiencing life again as if it were the first time, but as the end draws nearer, a drastic shift in mood and demeanor is evident.

A patient who was once friendly and jolly can quickly become quiet, reflective, and despondent. I've seen patients break down and cry, not because of their current situation, but because they were mourning old ones. These times taught me a lot about how to be just what that person needs towards the end of their life.

I didn't need to understand why they were upset or what they wanted to say.

The somber tone and tired eyes let me know that what they had to say was important and worth hearing. What mattered most is that someone who cared was there to hear it.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Blocking Toxic Family Members Can Be Just What You Needed

It isn't an easy choice but it can be the most rewarding.

769
views

I haven't written for the Odyssey in quite some time due to this large issue in my life that I feel some people may also need to hear. Watching your parents go through a divorce can be difficult in itself, but what about having to remove one of your parents from your life at the same time? It's something I don't think many people could imagine doing. However, sometimes you are forced into the position between choosing what is best for your mental health or what is expected of you. For me, I realized that I needed to put myself first.

I realized that I am my own person. How I present myself and how I act and what I choose to believe in is how the world perceives me. I was faced with a parent who did not let me be who I am. The way I thought had to be in line with theirs. What I openly spoke about had to be in line with that parent's thoughts. This also, in turn, meant I had to revolve how I was perceived to the world around that parent's family. I had to abide by these societal norms and do what someone else expected of me. I realized that was ludicrous.

This parent was also abusive. They were toxic and manipulative and I could not stand idly by and just take that from them while also trying to become an independent young adult. I was forced to sit and watch one of my parents transform into someone I didn't recognize anymore. I had to watch them ignore any kind of reality checks and continue to feign innocence. I watched one of my parents mentally manipulate people I once called family into believing lies. I kept my head down and shut my mouth and kept taking the abuse. Now I'm at a point where I can confidently say that I am no longer afraid.

I was forced to cut ties with a parent that raised me, cared for me, attended school functions, fixed toys, bought me my first phone. I was forced to chuck out priceless memories for my own sanity. I could not sit idly by and allow myself to endure one more second of lies or abuse. I had to stand up for myself for once in my life and I blocked most of my family. I blocked cousins, aunts, uncles, and godparents. I changed my phone number that I had since 6th grade. I gave no warning and disappeared from my family's lives. Do I have regrets? No. I would do it again if I had to because I am so much stronger than sitting there and taking it.

I will have one less parent at my college graduation, which I am fighting so hard to achieve. I will have one less parent at my wedding. My future children will have one less grandparent. I mope in these thoughts but then I have to remember the other side of things. I will not have an unsupportive parent at my graduation and instead will have those that were there every step of the way. I will lack someone who was toxic at my wedding. My future children will never have to face the same abusive, toxic situations that my parent put me through. It was a difficult decision to make but one that I know in my heart is worthwhile.

Cutting a family member out of your life is difficult enough but cutting a parent is unimaginable. However, no one deserves to go through abusive situations. It shouldn't matter who the person is; if someone is treating you less than you deserve to be treated, they have no use being in your life. You should always be your first priority. You should never have to endure something for the sake of others. I am here to tell you that you are more than that and that cutting out a family member could actually be the best thing for you, even if it's incredibly difficult. I did it and I'm still here. It made me realize who my real family was, and there will never be enough thank you's in the world to show my mother just how much I appreciate her.

Related Content

Facebook Comments