“You were fed the silver spoon your entire life, weren’t you?”
I’ve gotten this comment on a few occasions. For some odd reason though, people tend to shame people like me. I have always gotten comments from people saying that I am "spoiled *** rotten". Anytime my parents provide for me, a lot of people look down on me. I never understood why people always project such negativity about this. It’s such a blessing to have parents who want to do so much for you; it’s nothing to shame.
Whether it be sending money to my account because I’m broke and hungry or buying me a nice Easter dress for church (shoot, sometimes they’re nice enough to get a nice matching pair of shoes and jewelry), my parents help me out. When I left for college, they were nice enough to get me a substantially nice car and other things to take down there with me. While I’m in school, they give me an allowance and urge me to focus on my school. They pay for my groceries, textbooks, tuition, gas, car note, rent, sorority dues, and the rest of the essentials. When I ask for money, most of the time they give it to me.
They do these things because they love me and want the best. In their eyes, the best parenting style is to help their kids become successful and reach the point to where we can be self-sufficient. They cherish youth and fully believe we should get to experience life before work really becomes our life. They allowed me to attend a university as a freshman and go greek because they experienced it; however, the difference is that each had to work to make it happen. As parents, they just want me to have the best experience possible-- a better experience than theirs.
They don’t want us growing up too fast. As parents, they believe it is their place to provide this. They didn’t come from too much, so they want to share what they have worked hard for. They want to give me the life they didn’t get to have.
No, they do not want me working a full time job to pay for these things and lose track in school. They understand how crucial it is in this world today to have a degree. They know that if I have a full time job paying for everything, I will become physically and mentally exhausted. Being in school is already a job, so they really don’t want to pay for something that wont benefit me because I’m too consumed in working. They just don't believe that such heavy financial responsibility should come this soon in my life. I have an entire life where I will have to do it. They want to provide me the means to reach my goals and see me succeed more than they ever did. Isn't that every parent's goal? Why am I wrong to have parents that have those goals?
While keeping this mindset, they also understand that the world is a “fend for yourself” type of place. They aren’t going to let me go into the real world without understanding responsibility, accountability and independence. These things? They don’t hand to me.
They definitely provide support, feedback and their perspectives on things. They teach me to the best of their ability; however, they never impose their beliefs on me. When I am wrong about anything, they let me find out for myself that I am wrong. They allow me to make mistakes. They back off and let me understand firsthand the consequences of my actions and decisions. They want me to see with my own eyes the kind of world we live in, and they know that’s not something they can control. Sometimes, I wish I had my parents forcing me to do something I should've, or forced me not to make a bad decision. If they would have done that, what would I have learned? They told me what the right thing was to do, but I had to learn it was the right thing to do, whether it was from listening or seeing it. I needed those hands on experiences to learn. Having someone over my shoulder telling me what to do would have not helped me learn what reality really is. I had to see it for myself.
Ultimately, they want me to be on my own when it comes to learning. The biggest lessons I have learned in life have been learned through myself and my experiences. They will never intervene in my problems and clean up any mess I made. One day, they know I will be making money to support myself; however, they do not know what my decisions will be. They know that decision making is so important, so they want me to learn how to make my own decisions and be able to think for myself.
Accountability, responsibility and independence all result from this. They know these three things are only things I can provide myself, not them. They always made sure I was in a position to where I had to learn these things. People thought I just "got my way" because I wasn't too limited to what I was allowed to do. Rules were not too strict in my household. No, my parents did this on purpose-- they wanted to teach me accountability for myself.
Yes, my parents make sure I am taken care of until I can provide for myself. They highly value education and social skills. They don’t want me losing both of these things because of a job. You learn professional social skills at a job, not everyday social skills.
Even if I am materialistically and financially handed "everything," I still work my butt every day in different areas. From time to time, I've picked up part time jobs for the extra money and to learn responsibility. Whose choice was it to get a job? Mine. My parents didn't teach me work ethic, I did. When it came to school, they never forced me to be a straight-A student. They allowed me to make my own academic decisions and discipline myself—because in real life, they believe decision making and discipline are crucial to a job. They can't make me do well at my job or discipline me to attend it-- only I can. My parents didn't "hand me" those As or my honor graduate tassle, I earned it.
I still work my butt off to grow as a better person while battling adversities that make life harder for anyone. Just because my parents provide for me doesn't mean I am exempt from real life situations. I still have my own problems to face without them. I'm not clueless to reality or someone who has had everything handed to them. Stop shaming people like me because we're lucky to have parents who want to do so much for us.
Every situation is different and every parent is different. Just because I have parents who want to provide more than emotional support and have different values does not make either of us wrong in any way. Parents who can’t or choose not to do the same as mine are not wrong either. Every parent has a different lesson they want their own children to learn and a different way to teach it. More importantly, the kid should not be scorned for their situation whether it be good or bad.
I may lack financial responsibility and may not have fully grasped the concept of good decision making yet. One day, I will though. I'm a young adult, I'm still learning. I am forever thankful for parents like mine that allow me to enjoy the world before I become consumed in it.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind having a parenting style like this one day.