I'm Spoiled: Stop Shaming Me

I'm Spoiled: Stop Shaming Me

I'm blessed with parents that provide for me, but they didn't "hand" me everything,
20824
views

“You were fed the silver spoon your entire life, weren't you?"

I've gotten this comment on a few occasions. For some odd reason though, people tend to shame people like me. I have always gotten comments from people saying that I am "spoiled rotten."

Any time my parents provide for me, a lot of people look down on me. I never understood why people always project such negativity about this. It's such a blessing to have parents who want to do so much for you. It's nothing to shame.

Whether it be sending money to my account because I'm broke and hungry or buying me a nice Easter dress for church (shoot, sometimes they're nice enough to get a nice matching pair of shoes and jewelry), my parents help me out.

When I left for college, they were nice enough to get me a substantially nice car and other things to take down there with me. While I'm in school, they give me an allowance and urge me to focus on my school. They pay for my groceries, textbooks, tuition, gas, car notes, rent, sorority dues, and the rest of the essentials. When I ask for money, most of the time they give it to me.

They do these things because they love me and want the best.

In their eyes, the best parenting style is to help their kids become successful and reach the point to where we can be self-sufficient. They cherish youth and fully believe we should get to experience life before work really becomes our life. They allowed me to attend a university as a freshman and go Greek because they experienced it; however, the difference is that each had to work to make it happen.

As parents, they just want me to have the best experience possible. A better experience than theirs.

They don't want us growing up too fast. As parents, they believe it is their place to provide this. They didn't come from too much, so they want to share what they have worked hard for. They want to give me the life they didn't get to have.

No, they do not want me working a full-time job to pay for these things and lose track in school.

They understand how crucial it is in this world today to have a degree. They know that if I have a full-time job paying for everything, I will become physically and mentally exhausted. Being in school is already a job, so they really don't want to pay for something that won't benefit me because I'm too consumed in working. They just don't believe that such heavy financial responsibility should come this soon in my life. I have an entire life where I will have to do it.

They want to provide me with the means to reach my goals and see me succeed more than they ever did.

Isn't that every parent's goal? Why am I wrong to have parents that have those goals?

While keeping this mindset, they also understand that the world is a “fend for yourself" type of place. They aren't going to let me go into the real world without understanding responsibility, accountability, and independence. These things? They don't hand to me.

They definitely provide support, feedback, and their perspectives on things. They teach me to the best of their ability. However, they never impose their beliefs on me. When I am wrong about anything, they let me find out for myself that I am wrong.

They allow me to make mistakes. They back off and let me understand firsthand the consequences of my actions and decisions. They want me to see with my own eyes the kind of world we live in, and they know that's not something they can control.

Sometimes, I wish I had my parents forcing me to do something I should've, or forced me not to make a bad decision. If they would have done that, what would I have learned? They told me what the right thing was to do, but I had to learn it was the right thing to do, whether it was from listening or seeing it. I needed those hands-on experiences to learn. Having someone over my shoulder telling me what to do would not have helped me learn what reality really is. I had to see it for myself.

Ultimately, they want me to be on my own when it comes to learning.

The biggest lessons I have learned in life have been learned through myself and my experiences. They will never intervene in my problems and clean up any mess I made. One day, they know I will be making money to support myself; however, they do not know what my decisions will be. They know that decision making is so important, so they want me to learn how to make my own decisions and be able to think for myself.

Accountability, responsibility, and independence all result from this. They know these three things are only things I can provide myself, not them. They always made sure I was in a position to where I had to learn these things. People thought I just "got my way" because I wasn't too limited to what I was allowed to do. Rules were not too strict in my household. No, my parents did this on purpose-- they wanted to teach me accountability for myself.

Yes, my parents make sure I am taken care of until I can provide for myself.

They highly value education and social skills. They don't want me losing both of these things because of a job. You learn professional social skills at a job, not everyday social skills.

Even if I am materialistically and financially handed "everything," I still work my butt every day in different areas. From time to time, I've picked up part-time jobs for the extra money and to learn responsibility. Whose choice was it to get a job? Mine.

My parents didn't teach me work ethic, I did.

When it came to school, they never forced me to be a straight-A student. They allowed me to make my own academic decisions and discipline myself — because, in real life, they believe decision making and discipline are crucial to a job. They can't make me do well at my job or discipline me to attend it-- only I can. My parents didn't "hand me" those As or my honor graduate tassel, I earned it.

I still work my butt off to grow as a better person while battling adversities that make life harder for anyone.

Just because my parents provide for me doesn't mean I am exempt from real life situations. I still have my own problems to face without them. I'm not clueless to reality or someone who has had everything handed to them. Stop shaming people like me because we're lucky to have parents who want to do so much for us.

Every situation is different and every parent is different. Just because I have parents who want to provide more than emotional support and have different values does not make either of us wrong in any way. Parents who can't or choose not to do the same as mine are not wrong either. Every parent has a different lesson they want their own children to learn and a different way to teach it. More importantly, the kid should not be scorned for their situation whether it be good or bad.

I may lack financial responsibility and may not have fully grasped the concept of good decision-making yet.

One day, I will though. I'm a young adult, I'm still learning. I am forever thankful for parents like mine that allow me to enjoy the world before I become consumed in it.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind having a parenting style like this one day.

Cover Image Credit: Nikki Halsted

Popular Right Now

I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

36736
views

Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

For Camille, With Love

To my godmother, my second mom, my rooted confidence, my support

2894
views

First grade, March. It was my first birthday without my mom. You through a huge party for me, a sleepover with friends from school. It included dress up games and making pizza and Disney trivia. You, along with help from my grandma, threw me the best birthday party a 7-year-old could possibly want.

During elementary school, I carpooled with you and a few of the neighborhood kids. I was always the last one to be dropped off, sometimes you would sneak a donut for me. Living next door to you was a blessing. You helped me with everything. In second grade, you helped me rehearse lines for history day so I could get extra credit. In 4th grade, you helped me build my California mission.

You and your sister came out to my 6th grade "graduation". You bought me balloons and made me feel as if moving onto middle school was the coolest thing in the entire world.

While you moved away from next door, you were a constant in my life. Going to Ruby's Diner for my birthday, seeing movies at the Irvine Spectrum and just hanging out, I saw you all the time. During these times, you told me about all of the silly things you did with my mom and dad, how my mom was your best friend. I couldn't have had a greater godmother.

In middle school, you pushed me to do my best and to enroll in honors. You helped me through puberty and the awkward stages of being a woman.

Every single time I saw you, it would light up my entire day, my week. You were more than my godmother, you were my second mom. You understood things that my grandma didn't.

When you married John, you included me in your wedding. I still have that picture of you, Jessica, Aaron and myself on my wall at college. I was so happy for you.

Freshmen year of high school, you told me to do my best. I did my best because of you. When my grandma passed away that year, your shoulder was the one I wanted to cry on.

You were there when I needed to escape home. You understood me when I thought no one would. You helped me learn to drive, letting me drive all the way from San Clemente to Orange.

When I was applying to colleges, you encouraged me to spread my wings and fly. You told me I should explore, get out of California. I wanted to study in London, you told me to do it. That's why, when I study abroad this Spring in London, I will do it for you.

When I had gotten into UWT, you told me to go there. I did and here I am, succeeding and living my best in Tacoma. I do it for you, because of you.

When I graduated high school and I was able to deliver a speech during our baccalaureate, you cheered me on. You recorded it for me, so I could show people who weren't able to make it to the ceremony. You were one of the few people able to come to my actual graduation. You helped me celebrate the accomplishments and awards from my hard work.

When your cancer came back, I was so worried. I was afraid for you, I was afraid of what I would do without the support you had always given me. When I was in Rome, I went to the Vatican and had gotten a Cross with a purple gem in the middle blessed by the Pope to help you with your treatments. It was something from me and a little bit of my mom in the necklace, the gem.

Now, sitting so far from you away at college just like you wanted me to. I miss you. I wish I was there to say goodbye.

I'll travel the world for you, write lots of stories and books for you, I will live life to the fullest for you.

You are another angel taken too early in life. Please say hello to my parents and grandma in Heaven for me.

Lots of love,

Haiden

Related Content

Facebook Comments