Oh how amazing I thought you were. You called me your Eleanor. You used to hug me so tight and stare at me with your beautiful blue eyes. You would make fun of the way I said things and joke with me constantly. Your mom adored me. You and I were perfect. However, you said I was crazy because I fought for us. You said I was bipolar because of my anger problems. You blamed all our fights on me. You made me feel alone. You told me if I had not gone to Disney for my internship then we would have worked out. I continued to tell you sorry. I’m not sorry anymore. I’m not sorry for having big ambitions and going where my heart took me.
You said you did not love me anymore. You would yell at me over the phone. You picked a fight when I was attempting to be genuine. You gave up, I never did. You never really called me beautiful. Once we broke up, I saw why we were not good together. It’s crazy — I continued to tell you sorry even after we were broken up. I’d text you when I was home and somehow we would fight and I would be the one saying sorry. I decided not to text you on your birthday because we were over, but somehow that hurt you and I ended up saying sorry. I still wanted you, and I really do not know why. I ended up telling my parents sorry for still wanting to be with you. I ended up telling you sorry for calling you when we were supposed to be on a date at 5:30 p.m. and you were 30 minutes late. Why the heck was I telling you sorry?
We ended up trying to date when I came back from Disney World. It sorta worked but you told me to see other people. We got into a fight about that and I ended up apologizing. I met a couple different guys and I was apologizing for that yet again. I decided to end it with you for a new guy, and I somehow felt bad for telling you I was sorry for picking a new guy. After that we talked off and on and I kept apologizing for picking him. Why on earth did I tell you sorry?
I’m not sorry for loving you. I’m not sorry for fighting for you and us. I’m not sorry for going to Disney World while you were at basic. I’m not sorry for picking the other guy. I’m not sorry for writing you every day in basic and you taking advantage of that. I’m not sorry for always being there for you and supporting each choice that you made. I’m not sorry anymore. I’m not sorry for coming back to you. I’m not sorry for making you mad almost all the time. I’m not sorry for wanting to be your friend. I’m just not sorry anymore, and I hope that one day you are. I’m no longer staring into your beautiful blue eyes. I’m no longer going out to eat with you for dinner. I’m no longer sleeping over at your place. I’m no longer joking with you. I’m no longer your Eleanor. I am no longer under your control. I am free. I’m no longer yours and for that, I’m not sorry.
However, in the end, I hope that you and I can be friends. I hope you continue to love your job in the service. I will continue to thank you for your service. I hope you go back to school. I hope you and your family keep a strong relationship. I hope that you find a girl that is everything you want. I hope one day you think of me and have no hard feelings. But if you do, I’m not sorry.