I'm So F*cking Thankful That You Left Me
Swoon

I'm So F*cking Thankful That You Left Me

Now I finally feel alive.

686
I'm So F*cking Thankful That You Left Me
Jacob Albrecht

In all honesty, this is an article I never thought I'd write. I was so sure I'd be spending the rest of my days missing you, wishing I could have you back, hanging onto every little piece of you I had left, and every memory we ever made together. I thought I'd spend forever writing articles about how I hope you're happy without me and what could've been.

I'm thanking my lucky stars right now that that's not the case.

I've realized so much over the last few months since you left me, and especially over the last few weeks and days. I wish I had realized it so much sooner, because I could've saved myself so much time and an incredible amount of pain, but I know it happened the way it did for a reason - to teach me a lesson for life.

The night before I wrote this, I stopped writing to you in my journals.

I deleted all of the pictures of you off of my phone and laptop, changed my passwords, put away all the memories and even made a tinder account because I felt like it. It felt weird, but that wore off pretty damn quickly and it feels so damn good to get you completely out of my life.

I was so hurt and heartbroken, but now I'm thankful. All you did was drag me down.

We could've had a clean, amicable breakup, and this article would have never existed. We could've just respected each other, and with time, I'm sure I would've moved on anyway. But that's not how it went. Honestly, I'm thankful because I got over you so much faster this way than I would've otherwise.

I wish you would've pulled all of your BS quicker than you did so it could've been over faster. It felt like I was still dating you the past few months, because you somehow still always found a way to make me feel like shit, like you always did when we were together. If you had just blocked me right away, I wouldn't have wasted so much time.

Yeah, we could've had a clean breakup, but you know what, you didn't want that at all. You wanted this. Attention, anger, drama. You thrive on it.

You always said I was mean, angry and disrespectful to you while we were dating. The truth is, you don't even have the slightest clue of what I'm capable of. You want mean? You want angry? You want disrespect?

Here you go. Keep reading.


You were abusive, and I'll bet anything that you still are.

The list of things you did to me goes on and on and on. I can't believe that our relationship lasted as long as it did.

You lied to me from the moment I met you and even after you left me.

You betrayed me more times than I can count.

You consistently forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable with.

You 'fake' broke up with me dozens of times to scare me and to make me feel horrible and guilty.

You threatened me more times than I can even remember.

You always made me feel like I was the one who messed up, that it was my fault, that I screwed up and needed to apologize.

You never apologized for anything that you did to me.

You manipulated me to play your sick games.

Whatever I did, it wasn't good enough for you and it was always the wrong thing I could've done.

You made me feel guilty even when I didn't do anything wrong.

You held things over my head and held grudges for things that had happened over a year ago.

You kept things from me, some of which I'm sure I still don't know about.

You put words in my mouth so you could play the victim and say that I hurt you, when I never said anything remotely close to what you claimed I did.

You dismissed my concerns about your best friend when you got too close with him and got mad.

You cheated on me with said best friend, which you only told me about 4 months after you stopped cheating.

You told me you were in love with the same best friend multiple times over many months.

You broke my heart and brought me to tears by making me wait while you chose between him and I last May, a week before our 1 year anniversary.

You excused your cheating just because I was texting girls occasionally that I had been friends with since before ever dating you... that one was a big one.

You called me stupid, an idiot, a moron, draining, annoying, irritating on a daily basis. A girl, a pussy, a pyschopath, and "a fucking piece of shit" on more than one occasion and so many other things that I don't have the time to remember and write down. That doesn't really sound like the "sweet soul" that you like to call yourself.

You never appreciated me for all the risks I took just by being with you.

You never respected my love for gaming and cars; you called it stupid and irresponsible over and over again while I would willingly sit there with you while you spent hours doing your makeup that I had seen you do hundreds of times.

You ignored me when I tried to talk to you while you were watching Netflix or YouTube but got mad when I said "wait a second" when I was gaming while we were facetiming.

You acted like saying "I love you too" was a chore because you had to look away from your Netflix for 3 seconds.

You played the victim every time and twisted my words, making me feel bad for how I felt and caused me to ignore and suppress my negative feelings towards you, which we both know is classic abusive behavior.

You lied to me about your entire life story when we met in 2014 and exaggerated practically everything.

You spent 8 months still in a relationship with me when you were in love with someone else, and at one point, apparently 2 other people.

You told your new boyfriend that you had broken up with me before you even told me.

You invalidated our entire relationship multiple times when we were still together and called it "fake" after you left.

You tried to control every aspect of my life, like what clothes I'd wear and how I'd spend my time.

You got mad at me when I said something sassy because you're the "sassy one" and I was "stealing it from you".

You tied me down and made me feel like I didn't want to go out and be social at when I went off to college.

You tried to change me in any way you could think of. You even admitted you were trying to mold me into the person you wanted me to be, instead of helping me be the best version of myself I could be.

You made mountains out of molehills, but when I brought up something important or how I felt, you dismissed it and said I hurt your feelings.

You expected me to read your mind and know exactly how you felt 24/7 without you communicating your feelings.

You made me feel bad for saying things that hurt you when I never had any idea that it would hurt you because you never told me your problems. Not your real ones, anyway. Only the lies.

You expected me to be perfect even when you were FAR from it yourself.

You almost cost me my job because you desperately wanted to FaceTime.

You judged me for my family and how I grew up, even though I never judged you for yours.

You constantly made fun of me for no reason.

You got mad at me for bashing your parents who verbally abused and threatened me, even though you bashed them, too.

You made promises to me and created future plans with me that you never had any intention of keeping.

You said you hated me, then wanted to be friends, then hated me again, then wanted to be friends again and then didn't want anything to do with me.

You took it out on me when things happened that I couldn't control.

You blamed all your problems on me, like your anxiety, even though you had those problems years before we ever met.

You said I was always lying, when in reality you lied way more than I ever could've managed to.

You stole more opportunities from me than I could probably ever imagine because I was always spending every waking moment trying to please you.

You were incredibly negative and it rubbed off on me, even though you always said I needed to be more positive.

You took the joy out of things I had always enjoyed before you.

You claimed you weren't my number 1 priority when I only ever spent time with you, meanwhile, you were cheating on me.

You looked down on me for just about everything I did.

You used your past to your advantage and always said that I didn't know what pain really was.

You constantly called me a child when in reality you were the one lying, manipulating, cheating, insulting.

When you insulted me and I said it hurt my feelings, you just said that it's who you are because you're sassy. There's a difference between sassy and cruel, btw.

You texted me many times after you left to brag about your new relationship, to insult me, to tell me you never even loved me, and to break my heart over and over.

You dragged me down into depression and gave me anxiety because I always was wondering if you were going to leave me or not.

You broke promises constantly and I let it slide, but when I didn't do something one time, it was the end of the world.

You tried to change the very fundamental values and beliefs that make me who I am.

You called me a failure and destroyed whatever was left of my confidence.

You didn't respect me.

You said you hated me hundreds of times, if not more.

You controlled my self-worth and used that to made me feel worthless.

You were the biggest mistake I ever made, but you certainly taught me a lot - like what love is not supposed to be.

You're nothing but a cold heart covered in gold, and it's fake gold at that.


I honestly don't know what I was thinking, or why I didn't realize all of this way earlier than I did. I've gotta give a shoutout to my friends for helping me realize that I'm way better off without you and don't need the relentless negativity you brought into my life.

What I really don't understand is why you're still lying around every corner you can. I can tell you I'm definitely not the only person who knows the truth behind your lies. You lie about where you're from, what you do, what's happening to you. You've lied to me and so many others, but it's clear you're lying to yourself too, about our relationship, who you are, your past, and so much more.

When you said you never loved me, I convinced myself that you were just lying to yourself because you're unable to accept it. But I realize now that you were right. You never loved me, because you don't treat someone you love like that. You just wanted attention. You're the girl who cried wolf, and one day everyone's gonna stop listening.

I don't know why you think lying so pathologically is okay, or why honesty is such a foreign concept to you. It baffles me, and I have no sympathy for you because you did this to yourself.

Why you think your past and what you've been through gives you an excuse to treat others horribly is beyond me. Yeah, you had a tough childhood, but that's no reason to be manipulative and abusive to others. You always said I was like your dad but, as it turns out, that's you.

I'm so thankful that you left me because now I realize I don't want that negativity in my life. I deserve better. My worth is only decided by me and nobody else. I'm finally free, and it feels so sweet. You were an anchor holding me back - nothing but dead weight.

I always thought it was something else that I just couldn't figure out, but now it's clear that you were what was dragging me down and keeping me from being the best version of myself, from being happy. You wrote an article a while back and said I have a sad life, but in reality that is the furthest from the truth. When you said you were finally choosing yourself over me, you could've left out the "finally" because you only ever chose yourself when we were together and I doubt that's changed. I feel bad for anyone who knows you or dates you, I hope they realize the truth about you before they get hurt like I did.

You act like a princess and think you can get whatever you want, but in reality you're conniving, ungrateful, manipulative, deceitful, abusive, and a liar.

You've got the perfect "girl next door" look and exterior with your blue eyes and big smile and "aesthetic" and idyllic and sweet Instagram bio and posts, but it's all fake. It's just a cover of the cold-blooded snake that lives underneath. You've got a frozen heart and veins of ice.

I'm over you, and I'm never letting you back anywhere remotely near my life because I'm finally happy without you and I'm not letting you destroy that again. I'm so incredibly thankful I won't be spending another second with you, never mind the rest of my life. I can't imagine how torturous that would truly be. I always thought the future with you was a dream, but in reality it would've been a nightmare.

I don't regret dating you, because you taught me so many lessons for life, I just regret wasting so much time being with you when I could've had a relationship that actually added to my life and didn't take nearly everything away. I regret not ending things WAY sooner than you did.


So thank you, thank you so fucking much for leaving me and making getting out of that abusive relationship so much easier. It was just a matter of time before I realized all this and stopped wasting my time, energy, and love on you when there's someone out there waiting for me that truly deserves me and will give me what I deserve. I'm back in Boston, my favorite city in the world, ready to start the semester in a new major that I'm excited about. I'm finally being me, the best version of myself, and bettering myself every damn day and surrounding myself with people who actually care about me. I'm stronger because of how you hurt me, I feel stronger than I ever have and I'm pretty sure you didn't count on that. I never thought losing you would end up being a victory, but it feels like I won the Stanley Cup.

I thank my lucky stars that you're not my soulmate, that you're not my everything, because there are so many girls out there better than you and better for me. You don't deserve me in the slightest so it turns out you weren't lying when you said that I was too good for you early on in our relationship.

I can't wait until the day I get married to my soulmate, someone who actually supports me, cares for me, loves me for who I am, and who knows how to communicate better than a 9 year old throwing a temper tantrum. I know the truth will come back to bite you someday, because you can't lie your way through life and it's gonna hit you hard someday.

I'd say I can't wait until the day that you're nothing but a mistake to me, a screw-up, and that I don't care about you whatsoever, but that day has already come, and it was yesterday.

Someday you'll see me, I'm pretty sure of that. I know I'll be happy with my wife who will be so much more of a sweeter soul you ever could dream of being, and a wonderful kid or two that's the best of me and her and absolutely none of you. Then you'll see what you could've had. When that day comes, you'll regret what you did, you'll miss me. And I promise you I won't even remember your name.

I'm so fucking thankful that you left me, because now I finally feel alive, I'm free from the prison that was our relationship. I'm finally happy without you.

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