It's not that you've done anything wrong. To be honest, you've done everything right. That's why when I say I'm trying, please know I mean it. I want to trust you. I want to give you my affection. I want to be wholly yours. I want to return trust you've put in me, but wants and capabilities are sometimes hard to merge.
The first man in my life, the one who was supposed to teach me how to love, failed me. You see, I want to believe when you hold me, you do it out of love, but I know he did it out of obligation. When you call me beautiful, I catch myself wondering what bad news you're about to blindside me with. And I fear the day you might tell me you love me because those are empty words of obligation from my father's mouth.
It's easy for my friends to remind me that you aren't him, but the fact is, I already know you aren't. I know you aren't the one who hurt me, but it's hard to accept that you won't. It's hard for me to understand someone who doesn't have an ulterior motive.
I was in a dark place, but I'm starting to see your beauty and your kindness It's uncharted territory for me. I don't let many people in to see the ugly, messed up parts of me, but you make bearing my soul a little less terrifying and I'm learning trust might just be warranted for an extraordinary person like you. I'm healing, and you're helping.
So, thank you for being you, and thank you for accepting the not-so-pretty side of me.