Change scares me. It truly does. It excites me and instills immense hope within me, but nevertheless, it freaks me out. It gives me anxiety, fear, and worries me. New Years are exciting, of course, and a fresh slate is a glorious thing, but the thing that scares me is the idea of reinventing myself and my life, because i'm a seriously happy girl and I'm living my best life 99% of the time. . I love who I am and I'm extremely happy with myself, so it terrifies me to think of a fresh start because I question whether or not I can top what I did last year and how I lived last year. I'm really trying to work through this. And I know that I will.

All in all, I'm not ready to say goodbye to 2018, but I'm going to have to be anyway, because life doesn't pause for me. Life doesn't pause for anybody. In life, I know that there will be times where I will have to leave people that I truly don't want to. There will be times where I will have to leave places that I love and call my home. I will have to venture into new realms of mystery and ambiguity- places I don't know what hold in store for me. They could be bad or they could be good. The scary part is that I have to enter these places and situations without any idea of what they will hold for me, and I will have to be strong no matter what happens. That's what entering 2019 is like after enjoying 2018 for so long. I'm scared. I feel like there is nothing that can top the last year. I fell in love for what seems like the first time, I turned seventeen and got my drivers license for the first time, I started working my first job for the first time, my first sister was born, I had the summer of a lifetime. First high school party, first taste of independence, first standardized test for college, first college visits that excited and intrigued me, first trip to my favorite city and state in the world- first time being truly, truly, inexplicably happy. I don't want to say goodbye- but I am going to.

You know what, though? As scared as I feel right now and as nervous as I am to confront the future, I've got to get it through my head that I'm never going to be happy if I don't take a risk and walk into the future open-hearted and open-minded. If I don't enter the future fearlessly, I will never get to enjoy new experiences and find myself even happier than ever before. It's kind of like a ship going to sea. A ship will never find it's destination if it doesn't leave the harbor and lose sight of the land it is leaving behind.

There is so much sunshine for me to feel. There is so much happiness for me to experience. There is so much excitement for me to take in. There are so many people for me to meet and love. There are so many travels for me to go on. There are so many songs for me to sing to. There is so much love for me to receive. There will be so many places, people, and travels that I'm going to experience this year that I can't even imagine just yet because they aren't ready for me yet. I believe in a contradictory sort of morale- I believe everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for me, and I also believe there are some things in life that I, myself, will have to put effort, time, and work into, and make happen for myself because I want them so badly.

I'm going to call it right now. 2019 will be my year. 2018 was too, in complete honesty, but I'm going to put every piece of effort, hope, honesty, fearlessness, boldness, confidence, and excitement into this year. I'm going to work my butt off and I'm going to get the things that I want. I'm going to stop waiting and I'm going to start living. I'm going to completely stop saying "I can't wait for this to be over." I'm going to start enjoying my time and experiences even more than I have ever before. I'm going to put in even more effort to reach my goals and get exactly what I want. I hope that I fall in love. I know that there are some things that are uncontrollable, but I'm going to try my best to control what I can, and I'm going to leave the rest to God and the Universe.

I might be scared but I don't want to let that hold me back from living my life to the fullest. There are some changes in life that are extremely exciting. Being seventeen is one of them- so is being a high school junior with a lot of hope in her heart and a whole bright future in front of her. I've got to get past this stressing over topping last year. I know deep down that this year is what I make it and happiness is achievable without putting immense pressure on myself to be perfect and lead a perfect life. Every year I am growing, maturing, and becoming a better person, and a happier person. I want to keep doing me, but a better me- the best version of myself.

I want to love and I want to be loved. I want to work hard and I want to see the results. I wanna live my best life and be the happiest girl possible. I want to have everything that I've ever wanted, and I want to earn it. I know that it is possible. Life is what I make it, and this is the life that I want to lead this year. 2019 will be a year of me living my best life- I called it.

2018 was a dream. It was breathtaking. I was SO happy. As scary as it is to leave it in the past and tie a red bow on it, I know I can be that happy again. I shouldn't be afraid to take a leap of faith- or maybe it's okay if I'm afraid. Fear isn't bad- fear means risk, and risk means opportunity. Where there is opportunity, there is potential for happiness. I'm going to find that happiness in 2019. I'm going to make all of my dreams come true. I'm going to be bold. I can do whatever I set my mind too.

I don't have one exact, specific resolution. I just want to be happy. I'm going to work hard for everything I want- there isn't just one specific thing. I resolve to find happiness.

2019, I'm ready for you. I just hope you're ready for me.