“I’m not like other girls,” my friend said as she lamented her lack of a significant other. “Guys would be lucky to date me.”
“What’s wrong with other girls?!” I yelled. “Why are you so much better than them?”
Well, not really.
In reality, I held my tongue because guys would be lucky to date my friend: She is beautiful, kind, and hilarious. However, guys would not be lucky to date her just because she’s “not like other girls.”
Not being like other girls has grown into a compliment that pits women against each other: a woman’s dateability and worth increases the less she is like “other girls.”
But, first, who are these other girls? And what makes them lesser?
For some, other girls are those who wear makeup. Or those who go natural. Those who inhale whole pizzas. Or those who eat clean with salads. Those who strive for a high-powered career. Or those who want to be a stay-at-home mom. Those who like to geek out about "Doctor Who" and "Star Trek." Or those who enjoy "Keeping Up With The Kardashians."
And the list goes on.
Other girls are vague creatures characterized by varying vices and differing priorities; what one woman perceives as unimportant or wrong defines her “other girl,” against whom she measures her own worth.
Now that other girls are defined -- however vaguely -- let’s talk about the situations in which this phrase is generally used.
As was the case with my friend, other girls are often brought up when it comes to dating, and I believe much of this stems from the idea of the “cool girl."
A phrase popularized by Gillian Flynn’s novel "Gone Girl," the cool girl is described as being a “hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, … and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth…while somehow maintaining a size 2.”
Cool girls are based on a male’s ideal, and as Flynn goes on to explain, that ideal varies based on the man. As many women strive to become the cool girl, they find themselves creating an imaginary enemy in other women.
So when a woman says, “I’m not like other girls,” what she might mean is, “I’m not what you, potential love interest, think is unattractive.”
And this is a dangerous idea. A woman’s worth should not be based on a man’s -- or anyone’s -- preferences, but society has come to a place where phrases like “she’s a 'cool girl'” and “I’m not like other girls” are still a compliment and a shame, respectively.
And when the cool girl disparages the other girl, the former uses a bullying tactic as old as time: tearing down others to make build one's self up.
This is another situation where the other girl is commonly torn down: complimenting one's self.
Women live in a confusing and sometimes degrading world that simultaneously tells them to love and accept their bodies, and how to lose 15 pounds in two weeks.
So when women begin to define what makes them worthy as a female and a human being, negative ideas can creep in, and women can begin to compare themselves -- negatively and positively -- to other women.
As many a Disney Channel movie has taught us, negatively comparing one’s self to anyone is a bad idea, and putting down whole groups of women -- especially due to personal preferences -- is even worse.
Being a woman is difficult enough without tearing each other down from the inside, but many women -- including myself -- forget that in exchange for the easy confidence boost of being better than someone else.
Perhaps “I’m not like other girls” is harmless; perhaps this is an overblown issue. But at some point, every woman has been someone else’s other girl, and does any woman want to be looked down upon for being an expert at blending eyeshadow or for enjoying chili dogs?
Challenging the passive acceptance of the phrase could only improve the world women live in. Women could enjoy something without the stamp of coolness and without the justification of being different from other women.
And what’s more, women can begin to love and accept the “other girls” by letting go of the preferences and differences that once divided them.
The less women can focus on not being the other girl, the more they can focus on being the woman they are.
And that is a beautiful idea.