Society dictates that a person who is unwaveringly confident is a vain person who is unworthy of even their own praise. I'm not going to lie; I'm disgusted by the radical few who find it necessary to destroy another's ego in order to praise themselves. Yet, I stand in envy of those who unabashedly love themselves without fail.

I think of how I used to be confident as a child. I'd always want to lead people in some way. I'd vie for team captain or literally pray to be the line leader. I was the type of kid that adults wanted to see, who they would be when they grow up. I was unstoppable. I was radiant.

Then the bullying started. It's funny how a group of mean girls can make you believe anything that they'd say about you. I became ugly. Stupid. Fat. My shoulders became hunched over, and my stance was unconfident. By the time the girls left me alone, I became my biggest bully.

It wasn't until junior year of high school when a girl said a familiar taunt from middle school. I finally put my foot down. I realized that no matter what I did, I would never be good enough for anyone. I don't mean that in a nasty way. I know that I'm wonderful in other people's eyes, but I'd always disappoint someone in some way. I would never be pretty enough for anyone. I would never be smart, kind or clever. I would always be so far from perfection.

I decided that it was time to learn how to be the girl I always wanted to be.

The first step to loving myself was to forgive the people who skewed my confidence. You can't move forward until you stop looking back. It doesn't change what happened, and I know I can't forget. But sadness and anger have no place in a healing heart.

After I forgave the people who tore me down, I started destroying the person that they created. I wanted to voice my opinion more often, lose the meekness of my nature, and become the type of person who wasn't afraid to stand out, even if it caused me to stand alone. I began to run for student government positions and try out to be the leads in school plays. In a stressed-induced instant, I felt a lot more "me" than I ever have.

Going to college has changed my viewpoint of myself as well. It's crazy how much time I have to be self-involved. I finally have time to go to the gym, write for an audience, and self-invest a great deal more. My life was something of my own. I could truly become the person that I was meant to be.

But there is one last roadblock on my journey. I need to forgive myself. There's so much lost time that could have been spent bettering myself instead of wallowing. I have to think about standing up straight, monitoring myself to not self-depreciate, and going back into the dark place of my life again. Life could have been so much easier for myself if I stood strong against the girls who veered me off my path.

To be honest, I'm not sure how to end this rebuilding chapter in my life. It's hard to rewire the brain into a healthier being. But I do know that my child self would be proud of me. The little girl who was strong, kind and obsessed with fairness would be ecstatic that I'm tiring to be my true self again and I'm fighting to love myself again.

My current self is proud, too.