I hold myself back.
Nobody else does. I can blame it on any of the external factors I want, and trust me, I'll go through them all, but my mistakes are nobody's fault but my own. I'm the CEO of not knowing what I want until it's too late. I'm also the CEO of being so staggeringly afraid to do the tiniest little things that scare me so much. So much so that I'd rather miss out than try to get over my fears.
If I do rack up the courage to chase after what I want, I'm reminded of my failures in the past. I refuse to believe I've grown and improved as a person. I believe I'm setting myself up for failure. If I continue with this bad habit of mine before I know it my life will have started and ended without me actually living. Lately, I've been noticing a trend. The more I do the things that terrify me, the more I'm able to do them. The more I'm able to do them, the fewer opportunities I miss out on.
This year I've been trying for rather selective positions that I've been interested in. First, a spot in my university's nationally-ranked journalism school. Next, a competitive position on my university's orientation team. And finally, a position I was actually offered as I was writing this piece, a captain of moral position for my university's dance marathon to raise money for an incredible organization. A literal dream job.
It's victories like these that push me to keep going. That forced me to work even harder. That makes me even better and stronger for next time.
If you're reading this and feel the same way, I urge you to take some deep breaths and dive in. It's never easy, no matter how many times you do it, but you are growing stronger and stronger each time. You will be unstoppable.