Ok. I'll be truthful with you.

I'm on a diet. And well, there are many downsides to it because you see, it sucks.

All of it.

It really does.

I've never been pregnant and since I'm a girl I do have my moods, it happens, but jeez the moods I have been happening lately sucks because it all sucks. That's pretty much how its been for the past three days. Yes, I know it has only been three days but that means in the last three days, I have had NO SUGAR.

None. Nada. Zilch. Zero sugar in my very sad and depressed stomach. I'm serious, my stomach has a mind of its own and she is in serious need of sugar. The GIF below perfectly describes my stomach and I don't even like red velvet anything but I could eat a red velvet anything.

JUST GIVE ME THE SUGAR.

The way my diet is working so far is that I start with a 'prep' - a kind of cleanse for my body, a cleanse that means no sugar. It sucks. This prep lasts three days and all I am allowed to eat is meat and exact two to three pounds of it per day. Also vegetables are allowed, however, vegetables suck because duh vegetables. Oh and water, lots and lots of bland water. The way my meat is prepared is simple, meat goes in a pan, the pan goes onto a stove and begins to simmer. I add a dash of pepper and light, or what I call fake, salt. Then that is it. Done. Meat turns brown as it should and I eat it. In the morning I have two eggs for breakfast but that is pretty much it for this prep.

So since Tuesday-ish I have eaten about six to seven pounds of meat, six eggs and roughly 260 ounces of water.

I have gone to the restroom quite frequently the past three days. We have become the best of friends.

Anyways the main problem with my on the diet other than me being on the diet is that the rest of my family isn't. Since I live in a very small house with several people who love sugar just as much as I do, it sucks.

My sisters tease me with ice creams and chips and say, "Alyssia, do you want some? It's really good and oh, I forgot, you can't eat it."

Even a cracker, I was offered a cracker and then before I could cheat and stuff the small thing in my mouth it was taken away and I was left with the sentence, "Alyssia, do you want some? It's really good and oh, I forgot, you can't eat it."

Well tonight, tonight was the icing on the cake that I can't have (but doesn't cake sound so good right now?). My mother bought fajita meat, enough for our family of nine and she also bought all the makings for the fajitas which included spicy rice. Since we all help out in the kitchen, I am usually in charge of rice because while I don't like to toot my own horn (toot toot), I am a spectacular spicy rice maker. It is what I am known for. But tonight I couldn't even step foot into the kitchen. I didn't trust myself and knowing myself and my moods, I would have eaten that rice slightly raw, just for that spicy taste.

My dinner consisted of fajita meat with pepper and fake salt, some lettuce for tasting, and water. I sat away from the table where the rice, flour and corn tortillas and fajitas with real salt sat because, again, I didn't trust myself. Also I looked a little pathetic with my meat and lettuce. I didn't even look at the table, I blocked out the sounds of delight my family was making because I was going to do this, I was going to make it through the meal. I needed to learn to do this on my own and not cave.

I kept telling myself that I loved fake salt. I loved lettuce. I loved water. I didn't need anything else but my fake salt, lettuce and water. I didn't need real salt and soda and sugar and that really good corn tortilla that I would have given my dog for.

But it was hard, so hard.

Day four is tomorrow and I get to stop with the prep which internal Alyssia is very happy about. But also internal Alyssia is crying just a little bit because this still means no sugar and internal Alyssia thinks that really sucks but external Alyssia puts on a brave face and says that we don't need sugar or corn tortillas (though after today I am allowed one corn tortilla twice a week!).

I have gotten this far and while it has only been three days I have already lost five pounds. But my cravings are through the roof and guess what? It sucks.