Most of you know that I have a twin brother. While we grew up in the same house, with the same parents, and were taught the same values, we couldn't have turned out more differently. Max is much more of an optimist, while I am much more of a realist. He is a lot more go-with-the-flow, and I am much more of a planner and am constantly think everything through. He loves to put himself out there and be center stage at every turn, while I prefer to be more behind the scenes. However, one of Max and I's biggest differences is that most people would describe him as a "kid at heart," and I am for sure an "old soul." And while in the midst of this global pandemic, I have become even more aware of these old-fashioned tendencies and the fact that, deep down, I am really a grandma.

Being literal grandma certainly goes beyond just the fact that I have had knee and ankle pains since I was like five years old or that there are many days that I'd prefer reading in bed alone instead of going out and socializing. Sometimes I feel like I am old just thinking back to all of the things that I've been through in life. I would definitely say that I am "wise beyond my years" in the sense that I try to look at my past experiences as ways to grow and learn from. I'm very introspective and future-oriented, which I think is a unique quality for someone my age to possess.

I also tend to gravitate toward adults as they are people I feel very comfortable opening up to, especially when I need advice or just want to vent. I even remember spending a lot of my senior spring break hanging out with the parents rather than my own friends because it was just so fun to spend time with my friend's parents and get to know them a lot more. Talking to adults has always so easy for me. Many of my parents' friends (who I have grown to develop strong relationships with) just seem like they have such a good head on their shoulders. They sympathize with a lot of the problems that I've shared with them about in a way that many people my age don't always understand.

One night during quarantine my mom was on a Zoom call with some of her close college friends. I popped into my mom's room to quickly say hi, and ended up spending the entire night on the call with them. I had so much fun listening to them reflect and laugh on all of their crazy college memories. It just felt so wholesome and easy to be around. The way that adults like these communicate with one another and express what they value and prioritize is something that I truly admire. When they were growing up, there was no social media. There were no group chats that defined who you were allowed to say you were and weren't friends with. There were no Snapchat "private stories" that you blocked certain people from seeing. There was no FaceTune where you could edit away all your insecurities. There was no Instagram feed for you to scroll through and constantly compare yourself to. And most of all, there was no screen that would allow you to hide from all your problems.

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is the way that people communicate in this day in age, things that I will openly admit I am guilty of doing. How many times have you been walking and passed by someone you weren't sure you should say hi to, so instead you looked down at your screen and pretended you didn't see them? How many times did you send an important text message to someone that you probably should've had a real conversation with in person because it was the easy way out? Technology has certainly had great benefits, but it has allowed us to not deal with our problems head-on, and that, my friends, is a BIG issue.

I envy how easy it is for my parents to call someone up on the phone and have a conversation with them--something that quite honestly spikes my anxiety immensely. I have also always had a fear of confrontation and I partially blame technology for that. And because of this, I also struggle a lot more with face-to-face conversations as well. Standing up for yourself is hard for many people as is, and then adding in the fact that we probably don't get enough practice doing it makes it a lot worse.

Honestly, as technology and the world of information progress and face-to-face interactions decrease (and the whole fact that we're in a global pandemic and are relying heavily on online communication more than ever), I am concerned for future generations and their social skills. I'm concerned that they will forget the essence of what growing up was like in the past--a life without all the bells and whistles, where there were no iPhones, no social media, and no Zoom (a more recent development). As I grow older, I have learned many of these lessons, and I want to be apart of preserving these memories and passing them on to future generations.

I'm not sure these are things that a lot of people my age can attest to. I'm sure there are so many people my age that are THRIVING in this era right now and I commend you for that. For me, I will admit that I'm an old soul trapped into a young woman's body. I would seriously love to travel back in time and live the life of my parents or even my grandparents at my own age. It's interesting to think about if some of the challenges that I've had in my life would be the same or different depending on the lifestyle and culture that I'm immersed in. Some part of me will always envy the past, but I'm know all I can do is accept the reality of today and learn to navigate it. The many lessons that I've learned about how people once lived their life in the past are things that I will be able to take with me and apply to my own life and I hope many others my age can do the same