When I was a little girl, I was absolutely obsessed with Disney. I would dress up as a different princess each day, and would not respond unless you called me by that day’s princess name. I was obsessed with the costumes, the magic, and the inevitable happy ending where the princess always got swept off her feet. Over time, my hopeless romanticism evolved as I was introduced to new TV shows, movies, and books, and each new addition built upon – or detracted from – what I thought of as a perfect love story. I entered public school in tenth grade, and by senior year, the constant lip-locking and hand-holding of the couples in my school didn’t faze me, yet the fact I hadn’t ever been asked out did.
I took the matter very seriously, crushing hard on some really nice guys and then realizing why it’s called a crush after they showed interest in other girls. You may notice that this article is not titled “18, Single, and Completely Ok With It.” Because there are plenty of times, including one this past week, where I definitely don’t feel ok with it. I have shed many tears and gone off on many rants, and when I’m around guys I like, I get so nervous that I end up not even talking to them. I have felt overshadowed, overlooked, and invisible in comparison to girls who seemed funnier, more confident, and more magnetic. I knew in my head that I wouldn’t need a guy to have a good time or be a fun person, but that didn’t stop my heart from aching every time I saw Instagram posts or realized how much I liked my crushes, and how little they seemed to like me back. But, every time I have a pity party, I have to remind myself of God’s promises and constant love for us, and how His timing in regards to things like this is always perfect.
For so long, the media that permeates our everyday lives has distorted what true love looks like. So many movies and TV shows that we watch as kids, and then as young adults, have couples caught in really unhealthy relationships, and even in today’s society where countless ads and brands campaign for confidence and being true to yourself, it’s still so very hard to be a single young woman. You don’t have to go very far to take a quiz or read an article about how to make yourself more desirable, more interesting, or simply better. It’s a shame that we should even consider ourselves inferior or not good enough based on our Facebook relationship status.
There is so much more to love ladies. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is John 15:13, which says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down his life for his friends.” One of the best things about the Bible is that it reminds me to stop focusing on myself, and instead, focus on Jesus. Because of His sacrifice on the cross, and His resurrection, we have the opportunity to know what love is just by living like He did. We were created to love and be loved – whether romantic or platonic – but that stretches so much farther than physical contact or appearance. True love is selfless, kind, patient, genuine. It’s everything that you are, good and bad. It’s staying up late with your sick sister or growing old beside your best friend. Love is helping those less fortunate, or being patient when you’ve had a really bad day. I want to love a man who takes me on picnics, buys me roses on any random Tuesday, and listens to me explain the depth and poignancy of my favorite movies over and over again. I want a marriage that shows our children what true love looks like: with its kind words, honesty, and arguments that always end in make-ups. I want a bond between my husband and me that is a mirror image of how much we are loved by The Lord. I hope my husband loves God more than he loves me, and I strive to grow into a woman who does the same. I pray for patience for us both until we meet each other, and I’ve written what may be the first of many letters to him. And I know that, after everything, after the broken-hearted tears of a sixteen-year-old me, and what felt like mourning the relationships that never happened, God has a plan for my life, and everything He chooses to do is for my benefit. I know that something like this, a love I have dreamed about, written about, and prayed about, is too important to rush into. Something that means this much to me is worth waiting for.