Summer in Illinois can be magnificent. Blue skies, beautiful scenery, parties, and friends helping you enjoy the summer. But one thing that just bothers the shit out of me, are the temperatures. Whenever the temperature gauge gets above 85 degrees, my inner devil comes out. My sweat glands seem to kick into overdrive, my normally white skin gets as red as fire, and my body just inflicts pain on itself when the summer comes around. Let me explain to you why the Illinois summer heat is something that no person should enjoy.

Every summer, I have very fond memories of my family and friends. Whether it was a nice bonfire I had, a fun day at Six Flags Great America, or a drunk summer party, there always seems to be something fun going on. But in each scenario, I gave you, that wretched sun managed to have a say in my memory bottle. Take for instance my Six Flags memories. I go a few times every summer with a bunch of friends. We ride coasters and go swimming, and it seems to be a fun-filled day. But in every memory I have, there is always a thought about how hot it was.

Standing in a two-hour line to ride on a roller coaster in the burning sun is painful. Even when I’m at the pool there, the concrete that has not been touched by water is scalding hot. I get home with sunburn in places I’d never thought were possible. The next few days are then subsequently painful, with skin coming off of every part of my body. I know that almost every person has been through that, and that is not a fun experience.

Bonfires are also great in the summer. The sun comes down, the fire comes up, and it’s just you with a bunch of friends and beer. If that isn’t the life, I don’t know what is. But I also think about the heat. Why is it a thing to have a bonfire in the summer?

I mean, I love doing it with my friends, but who is the jerk who woke up in the morning and thought, “Hey, it should be universal knowledge to have bonfires during the dead heat of summer.”

It’s already eighty degrees outside when the bonfire comes up, and if you just so happen to be in the direction of the fire, it’s even hotter.

Summer sports are also a pain in the ass with the heat. I did a softball league last summer with all of my friends and every game was at least ninety degrees. Doing any physical activity in that weather should be illegal. I can recount my old football days now. Practicing in full pads in that heat for hours a day, and the only times we weren’t allowed outside was if the temperature raised above ONE-HUNDRED DEGREES.

Why is the bar one-hundred degrees for a person’s safety? I remember drinking my bodyweight in water after every practice. You’d think my best friend was a person back then, but you’d be wrong. I used to lay in my bathtub filled with ice almost every day trying to cool myself down. That was my best friend for the longest time (this is a bit of an over-exaggeration, for those that don’t know my personality).

My main point is this, hot temperatures come straight from the devil.

Okay, maybe a bit of an over exaggeration again, but you should get the point. It is much easier to stand in zero degree weather than one-hundred-degree weather. I can put thirty layers of clothes on to become warm, but there is not much I can do to keep cold unless I have an air conditioner 24/7. Obviously, this article was meant to be a little funny because the heat shouldn’t affect a person that much. It can be a pain in the ass sometimes and I just need you to realize that we need to take down the sun. Let's have a 24/7 winter!