I have never had a boyfriend or anything even remotely close to a boyfriend. Frankly, I've just never had the time for one. But now, as I get older and more friends and cousins and former classmates, get engaged, the weird, competitive pressure to find a boyfriend is more intense than ever. Unfortunately, hookup culture is also more intense than ever. And I will never be able to be on board with our hookup culture.

I've had so many friends tell me to just try dating apps like Tinder and Bumble and "just get out there" but I've tried them all and I hate the way these apps make me feel. First of all, I'm not okay with receiving messages about whether I can perform better sexually because I'm plus-sized (oh yeah, it's happened.) Second, how the heck am I supposed to get to know a guy based off of his tacky Facebook profile picture and his latest and greatest pick-up line? Next! I can't tell you how often I've deleted and redownloaded these apps. It's exhausting and I just don't have the time or desire to keep up.

I have a lot going on in my life. I work two jobs, I'm a full-time student, I intern, I hold a leadership position within my sorority, and I try to see my family as often as possible. I live with mental illness and am known for being very emotional. It's hard enough for me to open up to people as it is. How am I supposed to try and get to know boys on an app? I need face-to-face communication and I need to know that someone isn't going to just up and leave the second they start getting to know the less-glamorous aspects of my life.

Maybe it's because I'm scared of opening up my life to someone, maybe it's because I have a giant fear of rejection and a slight fear of commitment, or maybe it's just because I don't have time for people who I know just want one night.

I enjoy spending time with myself and working daily to improve myself and achieve my dreams and goals. And yes, there are plenty of times when I wish I had a boyfriend by my side (Exhibit A: trying to find a formal date.) But ultimately, I don't want a quick fling. I don't have time for that. I need someone that's going to be around for the long-haul. I don't let people in unless I know that they are.

A lot of my peers thrive on hook-up culture and that's perfectly okay. But I never will be. And I know that someday I will find someone else that feels the same way. In the words of dear ol' Aaron Burr, I'm willing to wait for it.