Hello! I am dog, but my human calls me "Henry," "good boy," "Stinky," and "Puppers." My human is letting me write her article this week because she is busy with human things. It is hard to type with paws so my human has to help me. I love my human. She's the nice lady that feeds me, takes me on walks, and gives me belly scratches. Oh! And she gets me toys, I love toys, I could play with my toys all day long! However, I am very sad when my human leaves me, she says she has to go to work but I don't know what that is but I'm sure it's not as fun as being with me. I wonder what she does at this "work".

Anyways, now that my introduction is out of the way, let's get to what I really want to talk about, secrets dogs will never tell their humans:

1. The bed is ours, we are just courteous and let you share it with us.

2. We bring you our toys as gifts, how dare you throw them away.

3. The furniture? Yeah, that's ours too.

4. No matter how old we get we will always be your "puppy."

5. We always know when you've petted another dog, traitors.

6. We are always your biggest fan.

7. How many times do we want to go outside in a single day? The limit does not exist.