"Kids don’t come with a handbook" is a phrase you always hear people throwing about, and it is so true anecdotally and otherwise. I am one of those women who always wanted to be a mom since I was a kid. I was in love with the idea of romance, the idea of falling in love; better yet, the idea of having that love manifest itself in a child, its own life force growing within. I love my children from here to the moon, beyond this galaxy and the next, beyond this dimension and any other, no ifs, buts, or maybes.

Absolutely, there are flexes of truth from this idealistic view of love and motherhood, but every ideal has a pragmatic alternative that is a little closer to the realism experienced in life. Growing up in the 80s, it was the precipices of the feminist movement that we see today. Sure, we had revolutionary characters such as beauty, where Belle was pretty badass and ahead of her time. I mean she wanted to read, and explore the world and not simply be someone’s wife nay possession. But let’s face it, she still had a beast Prince that even though she saves him from his eternal damnation of being a beast, he rescues her from her humble life and made the world her oyster.

Characters such as Belle and Cinderella made us believe that every girl gets their Prince Charming. Now while this is somewhat true, what these movies failed to tell us is that unless your prince charming is stinking rich, with his own castle, his own guards, his own house staff that clean up after him, you become all those things (minus the guard but you never know). Often your wifely duties will entail, cleaning chores that extend to picking up your husband’s drawers even if they are left on the floor, just inches from the laundry basket.

Now I will say that the tide is changing, with characters such as Anna and Elsa, Mulan and so much more, we are seeing more realistic expectations set for our little girls when it comes to Prince Charming. That is, yes you have Prince Charming but you are more than capable of saving yourself and in some instances saving him, which really is a shift that we are seeing now more and more.

And when you and Prince Charming’s love culminate in a mini you or him, the pitter-patter of little feet will fill the hallways of your castle with well-mannered perfectly behaved children…not. Or maybe for some…… possibly.

All I can say is that as you swell from the life force that grows you within, no one warns you of the risk of the burning ring of fire that can develop in the latter half of your pregnancy or that your feet may stay swollen well beyond your pregnancy resulting in increased shoe size. And for a girl who was already a size 10, now size 11, the idea of one day having dainty feet had already sailed. No one tells you that for the rest of your life, every time you get really sick and cough just a little too hard, you’re likely to pee yourself each and every time, even if it’s just a little bit.

Furthermore, no one warns you of the sleepless nights that extend beyond the baby phase of your child, simple because your son developed an obsession with your belly button and can’t sleep without it (or some variation of this). Or that some nights you will wonder around your neighborhood aimlessly pushing a stroller (in the hopes of lolling little ones to sleep), while your Caucasian neighbors emerge from nowhere to double check their closed car doors are indeed locked, ensuring you hear the car clicker beeps several times.

No one warns you that your sweet angelic, beautiful, headstrong, did I say beautiful daughter may one day look at you like you have two horns because you will not allow Daddy’s princess to get away with murder. Therefore, rendering daddy to a status of sainthood and you paradoxically to a status of the wicked witch of your castle. No one tells you that the morning hustle will be nothing short of running a mini marathon from waking your clan, to preparing the breakfast to ensuring all bags, lunches, etc. are packed appropriately and no one forgets something critical that you then have to deliver after they’ve already mounted the bus.

No one tells you that with all this responsibility you will then likely work in an environment that penalizes you for being a mom, forces you to choose to accept that while you have young children you will be passed up for most promotions. Even though the expectation and the amount of work you are delegated will likely be the same, if not more than your colleagues. Until watching “bad moms” there was no representation of the turmoil that most moms feel of being inadequate as a parent while striving for perfectionism in every aspect of their lives.

All of this said, I wouldn’t trade my reality if you offered me the world. I have a husband and kids who love me and whom I love. I have a job that’s flexible with so many perks. I won’t say it’s all perfect but it’s perfect for me.