In middle school and high school, every piece of drama seemed like it was the end of the world. People spreading rumors, talking trash, making you feel less than or disregarded felt like your forever reality. I remember several times going home and bawling to my mom, feeling hated by the world. I remember feeling so much pain, so much aching in my chest, my face beet red and my head feeling so heavy that I didn't want to lift it any longer. I remember the anxiety, the tightening of my chest, the nausea I felt because of so much emotional pain.

Everyone always said high school and college would be the best years of your life. But all high school did was make me feel the lowest I had ever felt. Sure, high school is different for everyone—great for some even—but I have grown so much since then and I wish I could go back and tell my high school self that what I felt was such a big deal then, wasn't. I wish I could have told myself to stop caring so much about what others thought about me. I wish I didn't obsess over boys who never followed through with their promises, who ditched out on our lunch-plans, who told me everything I wanted to hear, who made me feel good but then ripped me apart. I wish I didn't take hurtful words to heart, and I wish I would have known that no matter what I looked like, no matter what I weighed, how much makeup I wore, the clothes I wore, no matter any of that, to accept only those who followed through with their promises, and only let those in my life who treated me well and meant it.

I cared so much what others thought that I let it get the best of my mental health. I did and still do have anxiety. But what I didn't know back then was to let it all go. To trust in God's plan, to pray, to believe whole-heartedly that my pain was only temporary and that high school would be the least of my worries one day.

Of course, back then, it didn't seem like it was temporary. I wanted to believe that everyone in my life at school truly cared about me. I wanted to believe that I had to be popular in order to be important, to feel more valuable. Even playing sports felt like a must. Don't get me wrong, I loved playing sports and I was never forced to play, but I think one season, in particular, caused me more pain and emotional heartache than was worth my energy, and yet, it felt like the end of the world if I stopped playing. I knew I wasn't going to play sports in college, so I wish I would have told myself that it was okay to stop playing if it meant I could focus on my studies and mental well-being.

What I also want to voice to anyone feeling pressured to do things you aren't comfortable with, is please don't. That seems like an easy decision, and although I never did anything I didn't want to, I was definitely put in the line of fire for situations like that. If you don't want to do it, but you feel like you'll be more popular, feel more self-fulfilled, or get the badge of approval, think about your values and stick with your gut. Again, everything always seemed like my life depended on it then and I hope that you choose to have fun, to stress less and to remember that you're worth it and that your mental health is more important than giving others the key to your happiness.

No matter how many times adults told me to stay young and enjoy my youth, I was always in such a hurry to grow up, to be mature. I didn't listen. I wanted to be seen as older, to feel like I had it all together, but who was I kidding? I was only a teen. So, please enjoy being young and have fun. Quit worrying. I wish I had known this all along, but I'm just barely figuring this out.

As a final note, don't let others dictate who you are and what makes you happy. After high school, life got better. I learned to control my own happiness and I learned who was there for me in the long run. I learned to stress less and to live my life how I wanted to. I learned that I'm worth it, that my mental health comes first and that high school wasn't such a big deal. Life gets better when you grab ahold of it and make it yours and only yours. So hang in there, because it all gets better.