Some of you may know that the Connecticut Slide is one of my favorite driving moves to pull off. Some of you may not. Some of you may be wondering what a CT slide even is.
Well, I'm not telling you.
I can't. It sounds stupid, but what if one of you readers goes and tries this in a Ram Van or something. Imagine the lives being put in danger. I can't risk that as inventor of the CT slide move. It would be irresponsible on my part. Sometimes, the best inventions are left uninvented.
Please tell you? I'm sorry, I just can't. No matter how much you pry at me I'll never let the secret out. It's for the Lads only. If you see someone pulling off a CT slide on the road (that is, if you're lucky enough to know what it even is) then know it's one of the Lads. I'm really sorry, but I just cannot let the CT slide secret out. Roads would be chaos if I did that.
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
This is assuming two things; one, that I like cherries, and you would be correct, so good for you. Secondly, you're assuming that I like cherries on top, which isn't always true. Cherries are good in any orientation; on top, bottom, right, left, upside down, right side up, you name it. I like cherries no matter where they are. In fact, I like cherries so much that I eat them right out of the container without even washing them. I'll pay the price for that later, but for now I'm content.
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
You are a fool. What would make you think bolding would convince me otherwise? I already mentioned that I like my cherries irrespective of their orientation on food or otherwise; why would bolding the word "top" change any of that? I can't believe you thought that would even work. Shame on you.
Pretty pretty please? No. Stop saying pretty please. Also, saying pretty twice makes me want to tell you even less, and that"s if I were to tell you, which I am most definitely not going to do after that last attempt. If you're going to beg me to tell you, at least get a little more creative.
I'll give you twenty bucks!
Really? Bribery, I see. It's not going to work, especially because I already have twenty dollars on me right now, so why would I need another twenty? I never need to use cash on campus, and I'm actually budgeting right now, so I won't need to use cash at all. Nice try, I'll give you creativity on that one. But it's still a no.
Twenty bucks and this MetroCard I found that expires in a month.
You've got to be kidding me. If I didn't accept your twenty dollars straight up, why would I do it for a MetroCard, too? Expires in a month? Come on. You can do better than that. That's insulting. In fact I think I saw you pick up that MetroCard on the ground right outside of campus. No, I don't need it for the bus. I never take the bus. Personal preference; and you still don't get the secret.
I give up.
Finally! You have accepted the fact that I will never tell you about the Connecticut Slide. This is something you need to come to terms with and accept. Now that you are doing so, I have a newfound respect for you. If I have another secret in the future, I am definitely willing to hear out your proposals in an effort to get me to tell you. Good day to you.
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