I held a cup of chai

As the

Tears were left behind

Along with painful memories

of the past

stripped down to the core

The broken individual I was

Bare and broken

In all my glory


I bellowed my great personality

The social skills I possessed

Yet I failed to recognize the lady I was inside

I failed recognizing just that.


I failed

To carry her hand through the tough times

To pat her on the back when the cards played out just right

Or to console her when she felt defeated inside

Despite the skills I carried

I never heard her true cry


Was it because I lacked understanding

Or was it because I was never taught

Without the knowledge how else was I supposed to go about it

But the shocking matter was that

Along with the chai

I saw similar tears in my father's eyes

Filled with anger and hurt

Or disappointment

As if I had committed a crime

That what I was feeling was inaccurate

Yet I know he was also unsure

Of the situation at hand


I don't blame him.

For the things, I lack within myself

Rather I thank him for his patience

As I sat there and cried many endless nights


But the story progresses only because

I found my inner light

That charisma. that inner light

That shined bright

And I ran for it

With all my might

Didn't stop until I got it right

I fought and I fought

With others and myself

But mostly my inner demons

That had been controlling me for the past years

To get to the stage where I am now

Writing about this difficult time

With a cup of chai in my hand

And a paper pad and pen