I think the hardest thing you can ever endure in your young adult life is getting up and going to a job you hate every day.
It is like the Bataan Death March every single morning, a never-ending journey of pain and suffering. You then sit there for 8 hours, doing something you absolutely loathe, only because you like to eat food and put gas in your car. At your lunch break, you look through Instagram at all your peers having an amazing work/life balance: The kid in your Comp 1 class recently got a job at a major marketing company, your former roommate is working in Italy as a translator, and your best friend is currently living it up in a fabulous apartment in New York City. As you scroll through Instagram, feelings of jealousy, resentment, and regret start to bubble within your chest. How come they have a great life and I don't? How come they were able to move out and I wasn't? Why didn't I take that opportunity and applied for that internship in Paris? These feelings then manifest themselves as negative thoughts about yourself and your current situation.
I am this person.
My current situation didn't turn out like I thought it was. I'm still living at home with my family, working a job I loathe, and wondering what wrong turn I made and where. It's just difficult trying to stay positive when you don't have a lot to be positive about. Okay, yes, I have a meager income, a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a car full of gas but what I'm doing now, the way I'm existing, isn't truly conducive to my happiness or well-being. I want to get better, trust me. I really want to start having a positive outlook on life and stop being so embittered and angry about how my life has turned out but it's so difficult when everywhere you turn is a locked door.
I've been trying to better myself and my situation but it's just been so hard. I keep powering through because I want to do better, but it's just so difficult and to stay positive and upbeat when you keep getting denied from the things you want. Sometimes I wish that I were a different person. That I had a little more drive, a little more money, and a lot more connections. But, alas, I like myself too much to inhibit a different person's life.
I want to be better for my family and friends, the ones who love and care for me. I want them to understand that I'm going through a difficult, frustrating time right now and what I need most is their love and support. Trust me, I would love nothing more than to wish my feelings away but that is just not possible when you're a person who feels so much, every day, all the time.
One day, I promise I'll be happier and more content with my lot, I promise. I promise that I'll try to get better and enjoy my life for what it is, not what I want it to be. I'll let go of the negative thoughts that plague me and become a happier, more content person.