I Woke up In The Middle Of The Night To Write About My Fears, They're Worse Than The Dark

I Woke up In The Middle Of The Night To Write About My Fears, They're Worse Than The Dark

One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

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It is one of those nights when I am tired, but for some reason, I can't seem to fall asleep. So, what do I do? I pull out my laptop, and I begin to write. Who knows where it will lead. It could lead to a killer article or something that does not make sense. I mean it is almost 2 A.M. In my mind, that's pretty late.

Anyways, let's do this thing.

Like many people, thoughts seem to pile up in my head at this time. It could be anything from a time when I was younger to embarrassing stories to wondering why I am "wasting" my time somewhere to thoughts about the future. All of these things come at me like a wildfire. One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

The thought that is going through my mind as I write this is about the future. It's about the future of my fears. Let me explain. I have multiple fears. Some of my fears I can hide pretty well, others I am terrible at hiding. My fears may seem silly to some. While others might have the same fears. Shall we start?

1. My career

I don't know where to begin with this one. For as long as I can remember, my consistent dream job has been working in the world of sports, specifically hockey. A career in sports can be and is a challenging thing. The public eye is on you constantly. A poor trade choice? Fans are angry. Your team sucks? "Fans" are threatening to cheer for someone else if you can't get your sh*t together. You can be blamed for anything and everything. Whether you are the coach, general manager, owner, it does not matter. That's terrifying to me, but for some reason, I want to work for a team.

2. My family

Julie Fox

Failing with my family, whether that be the family I was born into or my future family, it terrifies me. I have watched families around me fall apart and I have seen how it has affected them. Relationships have fallen apart because of it. I have heard people talk about how much they hate one of their parents because of what happened. I don't want that.

3. Time

This could be a dumb fear. I'm not sure, but I fear time. With every minute that passes, I am just another minute closer to the end. With every day that passes that I am not accomplishing goals or dreams I have, I am losing precious time. It scares me to think of something horrible like "What if I die tomorrow because of something horrific?" or even worse, "What if I don't make it through today?" It's terrible, I know.

4. Forgetting precious memories

When I was younger, I had brain surgery. It is now much harder for me to remember things. I am truly terrified that I am going to forget things I will want to hold close to me forever, but I won't be able to. I am scared I'll forget about the little things that mean a lot. I'm afraid of forgetting about old memories that may disappear. I'm worried that I'll forget about something like my wedding day. That might seem out of this world, but it's a reality for me.

5. Saying "goodbye"

I hate saying bye. It is one of my least favorite things. Saying bye, especially to people I don't know when I'll see again, is a stab in the heart for me. I love my people so much. I love being around them. I love laughing with them. Thought of never having a hello with them again scares me beyond belief.

6. Leaving places that I love

Alright, let me start off by saying this- it takes a lot for me to love a place. It has to feel like home. It has to make me feel comfortable. It has to be a place I can go to and be myself. Thankfully, I have had and still have multiple places that are like that. I have also had places I could not wait to leave. I think that's why leaving places I love is so hard and something I fear so much. I am afraid I'll never get that place "back", for lack of a better term. I guess, I'm trying to say, it's like a piece of me is leaving as well.




These six things are just the start of my fears. Some of these might seem "dumb" or "ridiculous" to you, but for me, it's my life. These are the things that I think about the most. These are the things that feel like a pit in my stomach. These six things are parts of my life that mean a lot to me.

Cover Image Credit:

Emily Heinrichs

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.

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1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten


Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

Cover Image Credit: Authors Photos

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23 Things I Learned By 23

Wisdom is the best gift.

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Every year, I feel a little wiser. My friends and family have taught me so much about life, and my experiences have given me some extra insight.

With my birthday coming up, I've done a lot of reflecting on what I've learned over the past 23 years.

Not Everyone Will Like You.

That's okay. There are other people who will; spend your time on them.

Eat Dessert Whenever You Can.

Life's too short to pretend you don't need it. You do.

Take Photos Often.

They're a good reminder of what you love.

Think of Your Feelings First.

Then think of others. They can wait.

Spending Money is Easier Than Saving It.

Or earning it, for that matter. SAVE YOUR MONEY!

Stop Caring What People Think.

Not everyone will like you or want you to succeed. Their opinions shouldn't influence your behavior or decisions, so don't let them get you down.

Apologize for Your Mistakes.

Take responsibility and apologize when you mess up. It shows maturity.

Read As Often As Possible.

When you think you've read enough, read some more.

Take Care of Your Body.

Work out, eat well, take the stairs instead of the elevator. It's easier to create good habits while you're young.

People Change.

It's normal, and it's okay. You'll change, too.

Never Stop Learning.

Take a class, read a book, or watch a YouTube tutorial. Keep expanding your mind, even after school.

Your Parents Are Your Best Friends.

They really are, even if you don't see it till you move out. They want what's best for you and will always support you.

Get Rid of Toxic People.

Even if it's hard to do, get rid of people who bring negativity to your life. You'll feel better without them in your life.

Cut Down Your Screen Time.

Live in the moment, instead of through a screen. Experience the concert instead of livestreaming it, enjoy your meal instead of posting it, and spend time with people you love instead of taking selfies.

Listen to Music Often.

There's a song for every mood.

Failure is Inevitable.

It's okay to fail. You'll do it a lot, which can be discouraging, but what matters is that you get back on your feet and try again.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.

Don't waste your time wishing you were someone else. Live the life you have and let others live theirs. Life is too short for jealousy.

Follow Through...

...on EVERYTHING! Follow through on your plans, your goals, and your commitments. It's harder than bailing, but will be worth it in the end.

Do What Makes You Happy.

Instead of settling for something in your life, do what you want.

Going Out Isn't More Important Than Everything Else.

Don't prioritize going out over taking care of other things. Do your homework, call your mom, and save money. Food and drinks are expensive.

It's Okay to Have a Small Circle.

As long as you surround yourself with people who support you and love you, you don't need anything else. Having a few close friends is better than having lots of acquaintances.

Forgiveness Is Good for the Soul.

Not everyone deserves forgiveness, but it's important to forgive when you can. You shouldn't carry all that negativity with you.

You Deserve to Be Happy.

You do.

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