There Are Days When I Don't Feel 'Good Enough', But I'm Working On That

There Are Days When I Don't Feel 'Good Enough,' But I'm Working On That

Sometimes, I feel like I'm unseen or not enough for others.

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I compare myself to others a lot. It's not healthy. I wish I didn't do it, but I do. Somehow, thoughts like, "She's so much prettier than me," "If I was as funny as them people would like me more," "If I was a more 'relatable' people might want to be better friends with me," but the worst one is "I'll never be as good as them."

These simple but powerful words hurt. These are the thoughts that put me down. I tend to tell myself I could be so much better. I hate it, but I'm working on it. I'm trying my best to believe in myself. I'm working hard to realize I am good enough.

I think a lot of this stems from my childhood. I have always been competitive, so I compared myself to others around me all the time. I always wanted to win in games. I wanted to be the one who looked at herself and finally saw I have talents, people actually do like me, I don't need to be "pretty" to win the approval of others, but I still feel that way.

I grew up around girls who were, as I say, better at life than I am.

They had boyfriends. They were always with their friends. They knew how to dress. I never felt that way. I didn't feel like I was good enough to be a part of daily life. Again, I'm working on that. I'm doing my best to realize it's okay to be who I am.

If I'm being honest with you, I love who I am. That does not mean I don't have days where I look at people around me and wish I was like them. There are still days I see how successful my peers are and wish I could be like them. There are still days I wish my disability didn't exist, but it makes me who I am and I actually love it.

There are days when I don't feel good enough, but thankfully, I have people who surround me and love me well. They see the good in me and they let me know. They tell me what I need to hear when I've been hard on myself. They look at me and they see something completely different.

Being good enough isn't important. As long as I see myself in a positive way, I don't care if I'm not worthy of other's approval. I don't need it in the long run. There may be days when I feel worthless and empty, but I know I'm harder on myself than I should be.

So, here's to right now. Here's to becoming confident and believing in myself. Here's to realizing how important I am. Here's to knowing I am good enough. I am important and I am needed in this world.

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Celebrating 1 Year Sober

Self-harm free is a better me.

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This has truly been a challenging year for me. I have literally hit my rock bottom and tried to end it all. Eventually, I found my way out of the dark side through a week-long stay in a psychiatric unit.

This year has made me feel weak, small, empty, forgotten, unloved, and immensely broken.

But I made it.

I didn't try to end my life nor make myself feel pain for one whole year. Before this breakdown, I hadn't self-harmed in nearly six years, but sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom to realize you need help.

Getting better and keeping myself safe from me was not an easy job. The first six months, I literally fooled myself into thinking that I was doing better. I got out of the hospital and said, "I'm healed. I'm better. I don't need the medicine, and I don't need the therapy. I'm fixed."

I had convinced myself that a week-long stay in the hospital was a fix-all.

I was wrong.

Fighting mental illness is not something that can be solved in a day, week, month, or even a year. This is going to be a battle that I will have for the rest of my life. I will need a therapist for most of my life if I want to stay on the wagon, and I've finally accepted it.

I'm very thankful for my support system, the people who stayed there and continued to help me understand why I deserved to feel better about myself. While the people who only cared for a day thought they were helping, it really made me feel more alone once they left again.

So, a true extra thank you to the people that were amazing enough to stay by my side through the worst times of my life.

I strongly encourage anyone struggling with self-harm to seek the help they need. One of the biggest motivators for me was that I didn't want my younger siblings or cousins to have to attend a memorial or funeral for me. I try to set an example for them, and the best example I've done so far is getting the help I desperately needed.

One year self-harm free and many more to come.

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