There Are Days When I Don't Feel 'Good Enough,' But I'm Working On That

There Are Days When I Don't Feel 'Good Enough,' But I'm Working On That

Sometimes, I feel like I'm unseen or not enough for others.

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I compare myself to others a lot. It's not healthy. I wish I didn't do it, but I do. Somehow, thoughts like, "She's so much prettier than me," "If I was as funny as them people would like me more," "If I was a more 'relatable' people might want to be better friends with me," but the worst one is "I'll never be as good as them."

These simple but powerful words hurt. These are the thoughts that put me down. I tend to tell myself I could be so much better. I hate it, but I'm working on it. I'm trying my best to believe in myself. I'm working hard to realize I am good enough.

I think a lot of this stems from my childhood. I have always been competitive, so I compared myself to others around me all the time. I always wanted to win in games. I wanted to be the one who looked at herself and finally saw I have talents, people actually do like me, I don't need to be "pretty" to win the approval of others, but I still feel that way.

I grew up around girls who were, as I say, better at life than I am.

They had boyfriends. They were always with their friends. They knew how to dress. I never felt that way. I didn't feel like I was good enough to be a part of daily life. Again, I'm working on that. I'm doing my best to realize it's okay to be who I am.

If I'm being honest with you, I love who I am. That does not mean I don't have days where I look at people around me and wish I was like them. There are still days I see how successful my peers are and wish I could be like them. There are still days I wish my disability didn't exist, but it makes me who I am and I actually love it.

There are days when I don't feel good enough, but thankfully, I have people who surround me and love me well. They see the good in me and they let me know. They tell me what I need to hear when I've been hard on myself. They look at me and they see something completely different.

Being good enough isn't important. As long as I see myself in a positive way, I don't care if I'm not worthy of other's approval. I don't need it in the long run. There may be days when I feel worthless and empty, but I know I'm harder on myself than I should be.

So, here's to right now. Here's to becoming confident and believing in myself. Here's to realizing how important I am. Here's to knowing I am good enough. I am important and I am needed in this world.

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A Love Letter To The Girl Who Cares Too Much About Everyone But Herself

This one's for you.
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You, the girl with a heart full of love and no place big enough to store it all.

Our generation is so caught up in this notion that it's "cool" not to care about anything or anyone. I know you've tried to do just that. I'm sure there was a brief moment where you genuinely believed you were capable of not caring, especially since you convinced everyone around you that you didn't. But that just isn't true, is it? Don't be ashamed of this, don't let anyone ridicule you for having emotions. After everything life has put you through you have still remained soft. This is what makes you, you. This is what makes you beautiful. You care so deeply and love so boldly and it is incredible, never let the world take this from you.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

You are the girl who will give and give and give until you have absolutely nothing left. Some may see this as a weakness, an inconvenience, the perfect excuse to walk all over you. I know you try to make sense of it all, why someone you cared so much about would treat you the way they did. You'll make excuses for them, rationalize it and turn it all around on yourself. You'll tell yourself that maybe just maybe they will change even though you know deep down they won't. You gave them everything you had and it still feels as if they took it all and ran. When this happens, remind yourself that you are not a reflection of those who cannot love you. The way that people treat you does not define who you are. Tell yourself this every day, over and over until it sticks. Remind yourself that you are gold, darling, and sometimes they will prefer silver and that is OK.

I know you feel guilty when you have to say no to something, I know you feel like you are letting everyone you love down when you do. Listen to me, it is not your responsibility to tend to everyone else's feelings all the time. By all means, treat their feelings with care, but remember it is not the end of the world when you cannot help them right away. Remember that it is OK to say no. You don't have to take care of everyone else all the time. Sometimes it's OK to say no to lunch with your friends and just stay home in bed to watch Netflix when you need a minute for yourself. I know sometimes this is much easier said than done because you are worried about letting other people down, but please give it a try.

With all of this, please remember that you matter. Do not be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself. You owe yourself the same kind of love and patience and kindness and everything that you have given everyone else. It is OK to think about and put yourself first. Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You are so incredibly loved even when it doesn't feel like it, please always remember that. You cannot fill others up when your own cup is empty. Take care of yourself.

Cover Image Credit: Charcoal Alley

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'Treat Yo' Self' The Right Way Not Just For A Calorie-Laden Meal Or A Dessert

Treat yourself to alone time doing something that you love and makes you ready to tackle the next thing on your to-do list.

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The other week I was finished with class early, I got an assignment done and I was left with some time with no meetings scheduled, no assignments needing my immediate attention, no more classes.

I found myself with a rare few hours of freedom.

In my world and schedule of college, this never happens. So when it does, it feels blissful and amazing.

Free time.

A true concept that I forget about sometimes.

So with this free time I wondered what I should do, it was a beautiful day out and it felt too nice to just spend it holed up watching Netflix. At first, I started going through my mental Rolodex of friends to see who I might want to hang out with. But then I paused.

I didn't need anyone else to help me occupy my time. I could just spend it by myself.

Alone time is another rare beauty in a college student's life.

When you're living on campus you are constantly around people, no matter who they are. I know by the end of each semester I am getting stir crazy to escape back home to be by myself.

So to spend a few hours with no one but yourself and your thoughts, not having to be switched "on" for conversation is so relaxing.

With these spare hours, I decided to take myself out to get my nails done. This is something I have begun to realize how much I appreciate and something I can't do by myself. Something about having a freshly painted set of colorful nails just makes me feel a little bit more put together, or if I may – polished.

Also sitting down for thirty minutes to get my nails done is so relaxing and you can't really do anything else while it's being done so it is a rare moment where I am also free from multitasking.

Once I got my nails done I decided to continue to take time for myself and walk to a bakery I had been wanting to try and got a cookie. I strolled back to campus enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.

It was a great afternoon.

This afternoon also really allowed me to gain a sense of appreciation for the generational concept of "treat yourself."

So often we'll insert this phrase to justify a calorie-laden meal, or a sweet treat or some other activity that could also be considered a "vice."

Or I know this is how often use this phrase and see those around me use it.

But what does it really mean to "treat yourself?"

It means different things for different people.

One universal aspect of treating yourself is should be giving yourself time to appreciate it.

Slow down to enjoy that meal or dessert that you are treating yourself to. Go with friends who you haven't spent much time with or even go by yourself. Don't just pick it up on the go and rush through it.

If you have the time, once and a while go out to a movie instead of just lazing in bed with Netflix (although that is good too).

Get out and go on a walk somewhere.

Get your nails done

Read for pleasure.

I can think of so many things that I would love to do right now to "treat myself."

I just also need to give myself time to do it.

I don't think the afternoon I described earlier should be a once in a blue moon type of thing. We all deserve free time and there are things we can do to build free time into our schedules.

Although it is a pretty serendipitous moment when a window of free time comes out of the blue.

So I challenge you in the next week to truly treat yourself.

Don't use the phrase as justification, use the phrase because you truly are treating yourself to something that will make you feel good, relaxed, renewed, and ready to tackle the next item on your to-do list.

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