Probably the number one reason that girls have such a difficult time in relationships is the fact that they do not express themselves. Girls, I think, are under the impression that in order to keep a man around that they have to take shit from them and not say anything. It drives me complete bananas when friends of mine are silent to their significant others about how they feel in a relationship but are completely okay to tell me about all of the anguish they feel. Newsflash: things would be so much simpler if you actually said something.

In my (limited) experience with boys, they are pretty open and receptive to girls who know what they want. Girls who are self-assured and comfortable in their own skin make for having an easier time communicating. But no one in life ever said that it comes easily. Getting to a point where you are able to talk about yourself, your flaws, your expectations, and your needs is difficult. It takes so much introspection and a lot of self-doubts to come to the zen realization that you are a human that you are entitled to your feelings. Whether the other important person or people in your life should know about those feelings is entirely under your control.

No one ever said that how you feel today would be how you would feel tomorrow. The natural course of feelings is that it is bound to change. No matter if something different occurs or not, how you feel can change in an instant. When you let someone into your world when you express your needs, it does not mean that what you say to them is not subject to change. It is completely okay to change your mind or feel another way. What I think matters more is that you understand that being open about your expectations, emotions, and needs defines how you are as a person.

Many people in my own life can attest to the fact that I have a terrible poker face and could not hide my emotions to save my life. Therefore, you would think it would be easy to open up about yourself right? Wrong. Utterly wrong. Stating your needs is never an easy conversation and I tend to make those kinds of conversations very very awkward. But I love learning how my friends and family have a conversation about their needs to the significant people in their life and have (attempted) to adopt certain stylistic techniques.

My mother is the type to be very straightforward about it. She will not sugarcoat anything about how she feels and those emotions are subject to change. She is probably one of my biggest inspirations on how important it is to be ok with having needs and expressing them. My parents' relationship is something that I strive for in my own relationships because both of them are open and honest. Who wouldn't want that?

One of my closest guy friends has a tendency to just tell it like it is (similar to my parents). His best advice is something that I always remind myself whenever I take the plunge to have a serious conversation about my needs with someone which is this: "I appreciate a girl who just speaks up when something is bothering her. I'm not a mind reader and she has to know herself to an extent to be able to say something." I think a lot of guys out there feel the same but they never say it (or at least I haven't heard it) but knowing that makes me feel better that I am not making a fool out of myself.

Another one of my friends is one of the most genuine girls that I have met. She tells me one thing to keep in mind when I started dating which is "It is okay to tell him something now and not feel the same way later but keep the lines of communication open." The vulnerability is something that is difficult for a lot of people and it doesn't come naturally. But it's important for mental sanity and just to know that you are not hiding parts of yourself from the individuals you care about.

Haters (if there really are any) need to back off about how relationships in their infancies require that some things be held back. If anything, the more you feel like you know of someone, the more comfortable it becomes and all that starts off with is a conversation about your needs. I can freely admit that I am a work in progress and am learning about how everyone in my life has needed to and all I (or anyone) needed to do is take the plunge.