I recently found myself reunited with many of my cousins, which is a rare event. There are 12 of us, and it is incredibly difficult to get more than four of us together at once.

I am the youngest by far; the second youngest is 30. The ages go up from there into the 40s. I am so blessed to have such amazing role models to look up to. It also helps to have people to impart wisdom unto you.

Most recently, one of my cousins enlightened me to a practice he and his friends started: wife lists.

OK, bear with me. I know that sounds SUPER derogatory, but it’s not. He and his friends all agreed that they would make a list of 7-10 non-negotiable characteristics or values their future spouse should/would have. They were tired of finding themselves with people they couldn't see themselves spending the rest of their lives with, so they came up with this ingenious solution. My cousin is now married and told me he and his friends knew she was the one when she embodied the items on the list.

All of his other friends are now happily married to women who fulfill and exceed their list, except one. He has not yet found someone who meets all his non-negotiables. My cousin said his friend is fully trusting the list because all of their friends have happy and loving marriages from it.

College is such a confusing time when it comes to dating and relationships. People want such different things, and the prospect of a relationship is daunting to many. As a result, I feel like I have ended up talking to many people that I just can’t see myself having a future with.

I’m not actively seeking a relationship, but after my cousin persuaded me to think about my list, I figured it couldn’t hurt anything to have a few goals for my future spouse.

It is just my future life partner, after all.

In no particular order, my list is:

1. Practicing and active Christian

2. Wants a family

3. Has a lust for travel

4. Is OK with raising our kids Catholic

5. Would be open to converting to Catholicism if he isn’t, or at least go to Mass with me

6. Is intelligent

7. Makes physical fitness a priority

8. Can make me laugh

9. My family and friends approve

10. Has a good relationship with his mom

There were a few things that surprised me about what made the cut and what didn’t; I never thought I would care so much about someone who makes being healthy a priority. Adversely, some of my conditions seem impossible, like possibly bending/changing his religion for me and our future family.

Making my list helped me discover a lot of priorities that I didn’t think I had. Religion is obviously a priority for me, but there are many qualities I want my future spouse to pass onto our children, like intelligence and wit.

I suggest thinking about your list and what matters to you in your future spouse and possible co-parent to your kid(s), if you choose to have any. There’s no rush to settle down, but I also have changed my mind to think that having priorities maybe isn’t such an awful thing, just in case.