We were all once told when we were younger that if a boy teased you, he liked you; even if he picked on you, pulled your hair, and made fun of what you looked like, it was simply just a sign of affection.

Recently, a story that went viral over the Internet entailed a young 4-year-old girl from Columbus, Ohio who was admitted into Nationwide Children’s Hospital to receive stitches because a boy in her class hit her in the face with a metal toy. Instead of offering calming words to the young girl who was hurt and scared, an employee working the registration desk at the hospital told the young girl, “I bet he likes you.”

Immediately after hearing these words, Merritt Smith, the young girl’s mother, jumped in to rebuttal stating, “That’s not how we show that we like someone.”

Smith shared her story over Facebook and then later with an official statement showing her disagreement over the man’s words that proposed the idea that hurting a young girl is acceptable behavior because a boy may have feelings for her. Her official statement can be found here.

Smith offered three key elements from her experience that I felt needed to be shared and discussed.

• “The comment itself, regardless of the speaker’s intent, plants damaging seeds about what is acceptable as a demonstration of affection. It is a symptom of the larger issue of how deeply and casually violence is ingrained in our society.” We have all been a culprit of this, such as telling young girls that if a boy teases them, they like them. Do we realize what we are doing when we say this? We are offering the idea that it’s okay for obscene comments and rude remarks to be a sign of affection. We let our children grow up with the idea that affection is shown in ways of violence and demeaning comments, things that hurt us rather than make us feel good.
• “At the registration desk, I was given an information pamphlet and a questionnaire on assistance for victims of domestic violence. I felt there was a huge disconnect between the comment and its message and these materials, which both came from the same place.” As a society we need to be more aware of problematic signs. Although the young boy may not be understanding of his actions, we cannot write off what he did because of his young age. Instead of defending his actions by regarding it as a sign of affection, we must use this as a learning lesson and teach boys that hurting is not flirting and girls that no one should resort to harm as a sign of love.
• “My four-year-old daughter had her first experience of losing her power over her own body to a necessary yet scary procedure because, as she had just been told, someone likes her.” Relationship abuse is a serious issue that many fall prey to. In many abusive relationships, victims rationale that the abuser is committing harm out of love. If we promote this idea to a younger generation, they will grow up with this unacceptable notion encrypted in their minds. We cannot allow such unacceptable behavior and false notions to circulate in our society.