I don't remember being taught in high school, or even college, why my ex-boyfriend sometimes got too drunk and hit me.

It's kept quiet, even for those who are going through it. No one talks about it. I didn't. However, it's all too common. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence tells us that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience physical abuse from a partner in their lifetime. For those of us who have felt the hand of someone who we thought loved us touch us not so lovingly, we are changed. This is how victims of domestic violence love differently:

1. We apologize for things that are not our fault

I will make it my fault. It's easier than fighting, right? If ever an argument occurs, I will be the first to say I'm wrong. For nothing else, just to avoid a fight. I don't want to hear you raise your voice at me, or tell me I'm wrong. Constructive criticism makes me feel stupid. I'm a victim of domestic violence. I won't fight with you.

2. We shy away from well intended affection

When my boyfriend puts his arm around me, or someone reaches out their hand for a high five, my mind instantly triggers the thought please don't hit me. My body shifts uncomfortably. I'll flinch, or move away. It's irrational. I know you won't. Most people's aim is not to hurt me, but once someone I trusted did. It makes it harder to imagine that not everyone has bad intentions. I'm a victim of domestic violence, please don't be offended if I flinch at your well intended affection.

3. We forgive too easily

I would make excuses. He's tired. He's sad too much to drink. It was a long day. That has stuck with me. I will find the best in the absolute worst of people, and I give out third chances to people who don't deserve a second. I'm a victim of domestic violence; don't take advantage of my forgiving nature.

4. We don't believe in words, but in actions

"You don't have to worry." "I won't be like him."

Show me. I can't believe these kind of statements anymore because I have heard them before. I have a hard time putting my trust in words or statements that I know could change. I'm a victim of domestic violence; your promises may not register with me.

5. We will never hurt you

Emotionally, physically, any way at all because I know how it feels. I wouldn't wish some of the feelings I've had on my worst enemy, let alone my partner. I will listen when you need to talk. I will be loyal to you. I will stick around with you through the hard times. I'm a victim of domestic violence, but I will love you like I haven't been hurt.

Domestic Violence victims do love differently, it's true. But if you can deal with our trust issues, and our overused apologies, we will love you like no other.

This kind of abuse is not excusable. It's not romantic. It's not a cry for attention. If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.