It’s no coincidence it’s called a “break” up for a reason. It can truly feel like something’s been broken; your heart, even your identity, can be left in scattered pieces that feel impossible to fit back together. But you’re wrong. Love, friendship, and support are the thread and needle that will sew your life back together into the amazingly beautiful tapestry that it still is.

You need to take time to grieve. There’s no shame in how long it takes—weeks, months, or years. You can’t flip a switch to heal your heart, and you wouldn’t want to. Experiencing the pain means what you lost was once worth something, and by embracing and surviving that pain, you prove your own resilience, independence, and power.

You need to take care of yourself. A break up is as physical as it is emotional. It can leave your body worn and sluggish, stuck in what feels like a physical manifestation of your mental state. This is the time to draw hot bubble baths, drink some tea, and take up yoga. Don’t neglect your body. Instead, take the time to empower it and regain the strength you feel you’ve lost.

Change what you can. This may seem counterintuitive to regaining your own identity, but it’s one of the most empowering things you can do after a break up. Take time to change the little things—rearranging or decorating your room, getting a new haircut, trying a new hobby. By inserting these new things into your life, you’re creating a space that is untouched by your previous relationship, and therefore, untouched by its loss. Slowly, you’ll rebuild your former identity along with a new sense of being that comes from following new ventures.

Rely on friends—but not entirely. Friends are your lifelines after a break up. They’re there to bad mouth your ex for your benefit, reassure you that you deserve better, and support you through all of the (multiple) venting/crying sessions. Do not, however, place the efforts of your healing entirely in their hands. In order to truly break free of the negativity of your break up and regain a sense of independence, you have to make sure you’re working through the loss on your own as well, and not place all the emotional burden onto those around you.

Fall in love with yourself. Go the see a movie in theaters by yourself, buy some flowers for your own benefit, and remember to look in the mirror each morning and shower yourself with all the compliments and love your former SO had; remind yourself that you are beautiful, worthy, and loved—even when you’re single.