During the past month, I've been battling a dark deep pit in my stomach. It wasn't a physical ailment or a health issue, but it was constantly present, silently tearing down my conscious mind. Trying to concentrate and focus on any miscellaneous activity was unbearable. It was sadness, but a certain type of sadness that was idiosyncratic and rare. Homesickness? Maybe a little. After undergoing a personal investigation, I learned to find out that it was nostalgia.
Falling into the trap of nostalgia feels like an endless downward journey; never knowing when you'll hit rock bottom. It's a cyclical imagining of bittersweet memories; you feel so close to those past experiences and yet, still so far away. Impossible to access the resources for time travel, dreaming was the only subconscious tool for resolution. But dreams are temporary and disorderly. Nostalgia is sticky and potentially harmful.
Nostalgia derives from a historical Swiss anecdote, a story about mercenaries positioned in France and Italy, who would frequently fall ill. The mysterious condition included fainting, indigestion, fever, and even death. Eventually, the case concluded that the ambiguous disease was a serious bout of homesickness, as the Swiss mercenaries longed for their native mountain landscapes. Nostalgia is a mental pain that can morph into detrimental physical infections, taking a toll on an individual's health and overall wellness.
My case of nostalgia was, of course, personal; I was pining for the lazy days that were spent with my mother and older sister. Although I would go out and hang out with my friends, it did not bring me happiness, and I was left unsatisfied. The bond I have between my mother and my sister is significant. Living away from them was difficult at first, but I adapted and moved on. My sister is my guide, some sort of makeshift therapist and advisor. Although we have the luxury of phone calls and social media updates, recreating wonderful circumstances is bothersome and almost impossible.
Patience is required to recover from nostalgia. When it feels as though the pain will last forever, it is important to recognize the treasure in the act of reminiscing and the devil in disguise of remembering.