How To Love Yourself Again

How To Love Yourself Again

No one can tell your story, so take control of the pen and resume creating your narrative once more.
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Everyone always wonders how they will be capable of loving someone else, but the real question we should be asking is how to love ourselves. How to do that? These are some steps to figure out. We can always figure out how to help ourselves, even when it doesn't seem so apparent.

1. Breathe in.

2. Cry as hard as you can for as long as you want over whatever you want.

3. Second guess everything you know to be true.

4. Work yourself into almost having a panic attack.

5. Breathe more.

6. Let out any last tears or terrible thoughts out of you.

7. Drink water.

8. Eat comfort food and a show that will help you take your mind off of things.

9. If you’re up for it, make a cup of tea.

10. Take a long, luxurious shower. If you're able to, draw a bath. Massage your scalp and smoothly lather your body. Even use the shower gel and loofah. Don’t rush.

11. Wrap yourself in blankets and curl up in your pillow.

12. Sleep in if possible.

13. Wake up.

14. Breathe again. One day down.

15. Put on clothes that make you feel happy, no matter what you have planned for today.

16. Look in the mirror and hold a steady gaze, happy you are dressed in something you love and that you’re up.

17. Reconsider changing. Maybe adjust a few things that make you more comfortable, but ultimately go with your gut.

18. Eat a nice breakfast.

19. Take the pressure off yourself on making sure this is a good day. You didn’t lose a day yesterday. You needed that time. Don’t let yesterday make you feel the need to make up for that today. Let today happen, even if it’s not that eventful.

20. Journal your feelings stream of conscious style. Let them wonder and fly out, in whatever way they cross your mind.

21. Do something for yourself. Go the gym. Take a walk outside to your nearest dog park. Go catch some Pokemon. See a movie or play. Make sure it’s something active, even if it’s the only time you’re outside today.

22. If you have to go to work or class, go about your regular day to day. Try to focus on your work and helping others as best you can.

23. Don’t go out of your way to be present if you’re not feeling up to it. You may not be as chatty, but can still offer a smile or answer a question.

24. Measure your distance from others based on your emotional state. Don’t force yourself, but don’t push away from others if you’re feeling up to it.

25. Go home.

26. Cry some more if needed, maybe if today just enforced that you feel even more less important or overall your day wasn’t anything special.

27. Indulge in a vice if you must: a smoke, a drink, a phone call to an ex, sex. Sometimes you need to go backwards to move forward. But proceed with caution. It may not help as much as you think, but if you’re looking for a temporary fix it may be what you need at the time.

28. Feel even worse after indulging in your vice.

29. Journal about how you feel even worse than before.

30. Lose hope.

31. Wish you could disappear.

32. Contemplate running away. Make hypothetical plans in your head of how you would escape.

33. Abandon all plans of escape when you realize you have people who care about you too much and you can’t let them down.

34. Begin to think of all the people you’ve let down or hurt in the past. Feel more. Cry more.

35. Sleep more.

36. Repeat steps 13–26.

37. Confide in someone you can trust to listen to how you feel without fear of judgment or who will further your shame. Listen to any advice they can offer and reflect on the conversation.

38. Spend quality time with same confidant or someone else that you can have some fun with. Watch a movie, go to dinner, etc.

39. Practice the above steps as much as needed. You can’t put life on hold completely, but find ways to give yourself more of a break.

40. Over the next couple days, try to consciously see what’s making you happy and what’s not.

41. Try to see more of what’s in your control and what’s not. Mentally or physically take note of these things and how they line up with your feelings.

42. Realize you have more control than you thought. You decide your story and intend to continue onto the next chapter.

43. Try to figure out what that chapter could be.

44. Start small by trying different things to get to know yourself more. Take a cooking class. Dye your hair or cut it off. Invest in a new hobby.

45. From these small changes, begin to take on bigger ones in this newfound spirit of change. Start with the one of highest concern to your well-being.

46. Brainstorm possible solutions and consult another to help you whether it be a friend, family member, or therapist.

47. Take it one step at a time.

48. Remind yourself you have time.

49. And that fear is small in the long scheme of things.

50. You can do anything you set your mind to.

51. You are important.

52. You are loved.

53. You are you. No one else can be you.

54. There are no heroes and villains, good and bad people. We all suck sometimes and are just trying our best to overcome our mistakes and do better.

55. No one can tell your story, so take control of the pen and resume creating your narrative once more.

56. Breathe out.

Cover Image Credit: Mummy Central

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

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To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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'Sissy, Why is That Boy Wearing Makeup?'

June is time to celebrate equality.

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This past weekend, I went to the mall with my family. It was just a normal family excursion, and I wanted to walk into Sephora to show my mom a perfume I liked. We go inside, and my mother and I drift away from my dad and 6 year old sister, Sierra. I showed her the perfume I thought smelled amazing (Roses de Chloé) and we look for my sister and father to exit the store. As soon as we leave, my little sister grabs my hand and asks, "Sissy, why is that boy wearing makeup?"

This was the first time my little sister has ever asked about anything like this, and I wanted to make sure I gave her an answer. I turned to her and said, "Sierra, sometimes there are boys who wear makeup, and girls who may dress like boys. People are allowed to wear what they want, it doesn't matter." Sierra looks up at me, says, "Oh okay," and that was the end of it.

Sharing this experience to say, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

So thankful to live in a country where all sexual orientations get a day to celebrate their love. That's what this world needs more of-- love. It shouldn't matter who it is, where they are from, the color on their skin, or their gender identity.

When Sierra was born, I always wondered when this conversation would come up. I wondered what I would say, how she would react to it, and how she would be exposed to it. Like I consistently preach, everything happens for a reason, and I'm glad Sierra was able to get exposure and receive an immediate answer. Love is love, and I will forever stand by that.

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