Life is weirdly a lot like a revolving door, and you’re stuck on the inside watching people walk in and out; some staying for extended periods of time, and others not even stepping a foot into this metaphorical lobby that is your heart. Watching so many people come in and out of your life so many times and for so many reasons can start to get old. Sometimes you wonder if you should kick everyone out and lock the door, because what’s the sense in keeping it open when your heart keeps getting treated like a pit stop?

I used to look at relationships very differently, and I used to have this set way of thinking about how these relationships should last as long as we’re both alive, almost like a lease on life, because that was just the rule and everybody around me had these 10+ year friendships and always had the same people around them. So, I thought, this is how it’s supposed to work. I pick the humans I want around me for the rest of my life and they will just stay because that’s the way this works. Spoiler alert: that is not at all the way these things work.

See, this revolving door theory can be a blessing and a curse. Because just as it allows the toxic and harmful people to exit, it also means that sometimes, the good ones you don’t ever imagine leaving, do. This was also something I have just recently learned happens a lot, and sometimes it really sucks.

Admittedly, I do hold onto a lot of things. I hold onto a lot of people who don’t deserve the effort that I put into them. I hold a lot of grudges and I get upset when the effort I exude for people isn’t reciprocated. But sometimes, and lately I’m learning that more often than not, losing the people that were bringing more harm into your life than good (unintentional or not) is actually what is best. I’m still trying to grasp the whole concept of people being able to just be reckless with your heart because that’s not the way I operate at all, but it’s also helping me to let go so much faster than before.

It’s unsettling that at any moment, any one of my friends could just stop being my friend. They don’t need a reason. They are fully capable of choosing who they associate with and who they don’t. It’s equally as unsettling to realize I have the same capability as them and can close the door to this evolving entity that is my heart. I don’t have to keep allowing the same people to come in and out, take what they want, and leave. I don’t have to continuously keep getting hurt if I don’t want to.

I’ve gone through so many “best friends” in my short almost twenty-one years of life, and that used to bother me. But looking at the past year and realizing that the people who walked out and didn’t look back, the people who I showed the door too and never thought twice about it, actually worked in my favor. It’s never an easy feeling losing someone you thought you would be friends with forever, but just as there are a millions people in the world to marry, there are just as many to befriend.

Friendships are not leases; you can’t set a time limit for how long this thing will run its course before it turns sour, if it ever does. You can’t depend on the people you’ve known the longest always staying just because you don’t know any different. You can’t discount the friendships that are brand new and expect them to walk out just as quickly as they walked in. People are people and sometimes they can surprise you.

The one thing I know to be true, though, is that despite all the negativity and crazy in the world, there are still some genuinely kind and amazing people out there. Lucky for me, at this moment in time, I get to be friends with some of these amazing humans. And instead of looking at our friendship like a lease, I appreciate the now and I appreciate how they positively impact my life. I hope for our future and that we’ll all be in each other’s weddings and help plan all the baby showers, but if that doesn’t end up happening, I’d understand.