The older I’ve gotten, the more I have come to despise winter. It’s cold and snowy, you have to put on a million layers to keep from freezing into a popsicle, and your skin dries out until it cracks and bleeds. I don’t know why the little kid version of me enjoyed playing in the snow so much, but big person me now thinks that the idea is ridiculous.
So for all of you out there who hate winter as much as I do, I have put together the ultimate step by step guide to surviving winter. By the end, you will have everything it takes to hibernate like a human.
Step one is to put on the warmest, softest, comfiest clothes you have. I recommend your favorite sweater or sweatshirt, fuzzy pajama pants, and fuzzy socks or slippers. If you feel especially cold, feel free to add in hats and scarves as you see pleasing.
Once you’re wearing the correct clothing, you must collect enough food before going into hibernation. You will need to be sure to have a large quantity of your favorite hot beverage (I recommend tea) and a big stock pile of snack food. I you are feeling adventurous, you can also have soup, which is always delicious and will keep you warm for sure.
Now you must locate a room that has a large, cozy armchair near a lit fireplace; make sure the setting is absolutely perfect because this is where you will live for a time. Surround yourself with fluffy blankets, your food reserves, and a stack of good books. Any type of book will do, but I have found that books with more than 500 pages will sustain you for considerably more time than any other book can.
You can also opt for some optional add-ins, which are a pet or your favorite person to cuddle with! Cuddles are highly likely to improve the quality of your hibernation time and will bring additional warmth and happiness.
And now, you are good to go! You are now officially in human hibernation mode and will undoubtedly survive the long, dark winter.