Being 20 is a strange time. 1 year away from the legal drinking age, and 1 year out of being a teenager. Maybe in 5 or 6 years from now, I'll look back on this period of my life and think how silly I was for being entangled in complicated emotions that are so unnecessary. But, maybe not.
I'm not comfortable in my body, never have been. As I scroll through my Instagram feed, it's so easy sometimes to feel envious towards the gorgeous men and women who look as if they have their entire life together. However, social media is tricky. We put our best face forwards and tend to post only our happiest moments, and that's a beautiful thing. It's easy to forget sometimes, though, that we all are struggling through our own problems, needs, wants, and wishes.
There are those who have truly found their space, those who are passionate about sports, or politics, or beauty and fashion but even if we've found that niche, there's plenty of room for self-discovery and growth.
I've never felt like I've found a place like that. It's frustrating, feeling like I want to constantly be in the presence of others while also desiring to have a space to retreat and be alone. Having a restricted home life didn't do me any favors either. But, again, it's ok.
Life is both long and short, and sometimes boring because it feels like it's a waiting game until the next milestone. Short because there are some of us who never make it to those milestones. As cliche as it sounds, it's more about the journey than the destination, and for me, and countless others, the journey has only just begun.
It's ok if you're struggling with your major, and wondering if it's right for you. It's ok if you decided that the school you are at isn't the best fit. It's ok if you're still learning to accept your body, or if you want to change it for the better. It's ok if that tinder date didn't go as well as you hoped, or if you're a little snappy at your parents. It's ok if you want to go out every night for an entire week, or if you'd rather just stay inside and binge a show on Netflix because it's all a learning experience. We can't ever know for sure that the decisions we make or have made were the right ones, but as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others, and makes you happy, I think that's simply the best we can do at any moment.