Note: This article contains heavy sarcasm.
With Donald Trump's first weeks in office unfolding, discussions about politics occur on our news feeds now more than ever. Alternative facts, the Dakota Access Pipeline, and the wall on the Mexican border are replacing our cat memes and aesthetic food photos. Times are changing. So to make sure you're up-to-date on how to Facebook, here are 6 tips on how to debate politics on Facebook.
1. Consider the other side's argument.
When debating politics on Facebook, you likely stumbled across a post that you disagreed with, or you posted something that one of your friends disagreed with, which means it's time for a debate to begin. Before presenting your counterargument, however, you must analyze their argument. This is not to try and understand where they're coming from, of course. This is simply to find the weak points of their argument so you can exploit them without actually listening to what they're trying to say.
2. Construct the foundations of your argument.
This step is essential. Ask yourself - why does this person's opinion make me want to hurl myself out the window? This will give you a place to begin constructing your counterargument. Make sure to focus simply on the issue here. You can emotionally traumatize teengers later.
3. Add quotations.
To make sure your argument has validity, you need to add quotations. That way, they have to listen to you! The first place you should look is on Facebook. Those news stories your friends share are 100% real. I promise. Also, watch as many Tomi Lahren videos as you can. Everything she says is completely true - she gets her information from Facebook news. Plus, she acknowledges the recent Women's March as the "freak show" it was! Isn't that the kind of person you want to use to back up your argument?
4. Add embellishment.
Once you're done giving your opinion and adding quotes, it's time to embellish the f**k out of your comment. This is the time to add in fun, extravagant statements that have no roots in actual fact, like Obama is racist or all Muslims are terrorists. This is also prime time for insulting. My personal favorite is snowflake, but if that's too mainstream for you, here's an entire website dedicated to insulting liberals.
5. Post it!
Congratulations! You're ready to post your comment. Now it's time to play the waiting game while those lazy, bitchy, welfare-sucking bottom feeders construct their leftist counterargument.
6. Repeat.
Once they've posted their counterargument, it's time to start the process all over again! Don't worry- this plan is so foolproof, even Democrats could use it (if they would stop complaining for long enough to bother).