How To Be A Mature Adult
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Health and Wellness

How To Be A Mature Adult

The cry of the 20-somethings heard ‘round the world.

How To Be A Mature Adult

Ah, yes. The perpetual goal of young adults who just realized adulthood is non-refundable. While it can seem like an unreachable feat, becoming a mature adult might actually be easier than it sounds. In fact, most of us 20-somethings accomplish these things on a daily basis. Go Generation Y. If precisely followed without any deviation from the list whatsoever, this 14-step list will put you on track to becoming a mature adult in no time.

1. Make sure to avoid confrontation for as long as possible.

Possibly the most important step of all, hence why it is #1. Passive-aggressive Facebook message waiting from your overly dramatic friend? Ignore it. New text from that guy you don’t have the heart to turn down? Somehow that will get “accidentally deleted”. Darn. Avoid it. Avoid that confrontation like the plague.

2. When passing someone you’re slightly acquainted with, quickly pull out your phone and look questionably preoccupied so they assume you didn’t see them.

One of my favorites. The classic: “If I don’t look them in the eye, I won’t have to engage in awkward small talk within the six seconds it takes to pass them”. This one is a go-to, whether it’s across campus, in the parking lot, or at a party. Important note: they will more than likely implement this step as well. Both of you will be scrambling for something to look at on your screen, while simultaneously hoping the other doesn't notice. Bravo.

3. If ever confronted with the question: Do I save money or do I get coffee? Always choose coffee.

Because when rent time rolls around, you’ll be extremely thankful you got those twelve $5 Frappuccino’s in the last two weeks. Coffee is love, coffee is life.

4. Similarly: Do I binge on Netflix or keep up with responsibilities? Netflix, obviously.

Did anyone actually think the second option would be a real possibility? Of course not. We had to throw a little humor into this list somewhere.

5. Always, always, always second-guess yourself.

Because, really, what could you have possibly learned in your 20+ years of life on this earth? Probably nothing, besides self doubt and social discomfort.

6. Try to always end your sentences as if they are questions?

People will know you like to question the big things in life? And the small things? It will make you seem more complex... Right?

7. When faced with paying a parking ticket, hide it under other stacks of mail and bills until you forget about it and it doesn’t exist.

If you don't see it you don't have to pay it. That's the rule.

8. When handling difficult situations or decisions, break down and cry (Alternative option: refer back to Step #1).

Actually, the bigger the meltdown, the better. It will make others feel more secure in their equally unstable lives. And mature adults love to help others. Consider it community service.

9. Who needs rational thinking when overreacting is an option?


10. If avoiding an unwanted call from work or an email from a professor regarding a late assignment, continue to put it off until finally confronted about it weeks later.

Then, simply pretend you didn't see it and blame it on faulty technology. Darn you, $1,500 Apple computer.

11. But don’t forget to blame everyone else for your mistakes! You’re perfect and cannot fail, remember?

Mature adults are all about a positive self-image.

12. At the same time though, take all criticism to heart and let things offend you easily.

Especially constructive criticism. When your manager or supervisor comes around to correct you on a small detail, it actually means he/she hates you. There is no gray area with this one. You'll probably be fired by lunchtime.

13. When in doubt, assume a neutral position of non-decision making.

Otherwise known as: Curl Into a Ball On the Floor, Close Your Eyes, and Pretend Nothing Exists. Because if you can't see the haters, they can't see you.

14. Fake it Till' You Make It

If you act like a mature adult for long enough, eventually you will become one. That's how it works, right?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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