I came home from work,

but you weren’t there to greet me.

You were gone.

I felt a bit lost,

well, I felt like you were lost, or was it me?

Who can say for sure?

You were gone.

I saw your plate from breakfast.

You almost ate it all.

I thought it was time to set out dinner.

But you were gone.

How then shall I tell the time?

I found myself measuring out the night

By what we usually do

But you were gone

I set my time by what you need.

And build my world around it.

I turn to you to comfort me,

To love me,

But you were gone.

How then, shall I tell the time?

I’ll hold my breath until you return,

Believing it will be soon.

Needing it to be soon.

I’m uncertain how to build my world without you

How then shall I tell the time?

Dear Cooper,

I’ve just returned from dropping you off at the vet to be cremated. The vets never figured out what was wrong with you, I’m sorry for that. I know, at least now, you are free. You can go exploring to your heart's content without me to hold you back or a leash to guide your journey. I respected your desire to live the last few months on your terms, you always did have a stubborn streak.

As I sit here at the table searching for the words and strength to message everyone who loves you that you’re gone, I’m fighting back the tears and the heartache. You were the one who helped me mend my broken heart before. You have been there for me through so many of life’s milestones. I just got my diplomas in the mail this week for my associate degrees. I graduate Sunday with my bachelor’s degree, and I just got accepted into the master’s program yesterday afternoon. I’m sorry you won’t be with me for that, you died last night.

I thought I had more time with you. I had such plans for all the walks we could take once I was through with school. I was taking the summer off to hang out with you. I figured we could hang out in the backyard, you could explore while I tried to tame the jungle.

The cats are missing you. Your cat especially is very clingy. They all slept on and with me last night. I’m uncertain if they are trying to comfort me or needing comfort. I suppose we are doing our best to comfort each other.

I was always a cat person, but somehow, you wiggled your way into my heart. I think you needed me as much as I needed you back then. We made a great team. Thank you for opening my heart up to dogs, or at least reminding me of the joys they hold. You were a great dog with all your quirks and imperfection. I love you, thank you for loving me.

Love, Me