Death is hard. If death were a person, it would be the guy no one likes and no one wants to sit by. The death of a loved one strips you to your core. In the summer of 2016, I lost my Grandpa and my Mamaw within a week of each other. People use the phrase, "it was an out of body experience." I didn't truly understand what that meant until I was faced with the harsh reality that I would never see them again. I wouldn't see my mamaw every day, we wouldn't go for an afternoon drive again, and she would never tell me she liked the dresses that my parents disapproved of. I would never be pleasantly shocked at the words that would come out of my grandpa's mouth again. I felt that there was so much about them both I hadn't learned yet.

It was only a month later when I had to go back to college and resume my role as chaplain. How was I supposed to lead girls to Christ when I was engulfed in such a deep sadness? After a while, people start thinking that you should be okay— it was just a grandparent after all. I felt selfish for feeling this way, when I knew my parents were struggling as well.

After that summer, I realized that mental health in college students is so important. It is vital that college campus’ offer a place where students can be counseled and can receive the help that they need.

People romanticize depression. Most people, including myself, view depression as sleeping all day, being lazing, and being able to “snap out of it” when they pleased. Depression is ugly. It is being unable to sleep when that is all you desire. It is not being able to cry one more tear because you have none left. It is throwing yourself into your work, because you think it is the only thing that will make you feel normal again. It is being completely numb.

Sometimes, adults think that college students are not in “the real world”. They think that we are still children. Perhaps some of us are. However, there are so many college students who have experienced the loss of a parent, friend, or sibling who need help. Mental health in young people is not something that can be ignored any longer.

I believe that my experiences with mental health and death will one day make me able to relate to those who are suffering. When I graduate from Ole Miss and go to graduate school and eventually on to my first job, I am going to advocate for a mental health organization so no one has to feel as alone as I did. If I can save just one person from the thoughts I had, I will know that it was worth it.

There are multiple steps that you can take to help yourself with the grief you feel:

1) Talk to someone you trust. It makes a difference. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know, there is a Crisis Line that you can talk to if you would like to remain anonymous.

2) Do something that makes you happy-- for me, it was going on a walk with one of my friends. I hate to admit that I'm weak sometimes, but crying on our walks was such good therapy. I cannot thank her enough.

3) Surround yourself with people who love you. They will be able to lift you up when nothing else will.

4) Talk to a grief counselor. I wish that I had, because I truly believe it would have helped me along in the process. Learn from my mistakes.

5) Remember that there is a God who loves you unconditionally. I repeated "The joy of the Lord is my strength"- Nehemiah 8:10 everyday for eight months. And when I felt myself becoming cold hearted, I repeated: "He will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh"-Ezekiel 36:26.

Loss is hard. It will get better.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33