It can feel disappointing and disrespectful when you put more effort into a relationship than the other person does. However, when they put in too much sometimes it can seem clingy and needy. What is the perfect amount of effort in relationships that won’t have you running for the hills?

After having many conversations with my close friends, we seem to have all been in a position where we have put more effort in than the other person making us feel vulnerable and stupid. Feeling that maybe it could have ended differently if we were the one a little more guarded and a little less upfront.

Is being the one who is careless really the way to win over someone’s heart? It is all part of the chase after all and showing effort is basically putting it all out on the line not leaving any mystery.

At a certain point, this becomes such a job to keep up with if you are trying to play along to unwritten rules in the dating handbook. Personally, when someone I am talking to keeps asking me to hangout and puts in a lot more effort, I am uncomfortable and I push them away.

This sort of seems like it is a cycle that I can’t break. I’ve been so used to meeting the wrong people that walk away once it gets to a certain point that before we even get there I close myself off because there is only so much disappointment and heart break I can handle.

This is for sure one of my biggest weaknesses that I need to work on because once I am talking to someone great I just don’t believe it is going to end any differently than past experiences.

Too much effort can be scary, especially if too sudden. Is there a certain time where it is more acceptable to say when you miss someone, how they make you feel or to see if they want to hangout?

I think most of our generation is so used to fearing commitment, we associated that with effort and work and aren’t used to putting any in. At the same time, it is so refreshing to me when someone I am interested in makes plans and wants to go out during the week.

There for sure is a fine line between too much, too little and not enough effort. You don’t want to push someone away might really care for you but are just more upfront and better communicating it than you are.

You also don’t want to be closed off all the time, expecting every relationship to have some sort of time stamp on it. In order to let others in, we have to put ourselves out there, which also means putting some effort in so it can hopefully be reciprocated.

It is important to communicate and go at a pace that is comfortable for you but also if you want to hangout, make plans. If you miss someone please tell them. I don’t think you should dilute your personality because of someone else.

Also, it is scary talking to someone new and not knowing where it is going to go but we all have to take a risk and if it doesn’t workout at least you’ll have some funny stories to share. Not every person is going to be like the last one.

Stop fearing the future and put some effort in, effort doesn’t mean a marriage proposal it just means maybe let's see a movie or grab food.