I don’t know your name; maybe it’s something insufferable like Trystian or Skylarr. I’m going to go with “Trent”. I don’t know who you are or where you come from, Trent. But I do know that you’re usually an angry white guy. I know that you’re probably sporting a snapback hat. And I know that you have gauges, either of the earlobe or of the heart.

And what I certainly do know is that you’ve decided to flail about like an angsty rag doll and you’re ruining the show for everyone else.

For those of you who haven’t had the absolute pleasure of encountering one of these Trent-people, I’ll fill you in. Hardcore dancing is a specific type of dance that began at punk and hardcore shows but has now spread to any concert with music that is either loud, fast or both. It involves wildly flailing your limbs around and waddling from one end of the pit to the other. If you have trouble picturing it, here’s a video explaining it.

Do you feel embarrassed? Because they certainly don’t. Trey watched that video and instinctively started swinging his arms and downing Monster energy drinks.

To clarify, I’m far from anti-moshing and totally pro-having fun and dancing at shows. But when it’s clear that the people around you aren’t willing participants in your game of Dodge the Sweaty Forearm, you need to stop. That goes for anything at the show or really anything. If you’re at all not contributing to other people having a fun time, stop.

I remember my first encounter with Trey. I was 16 or 17. He was mentally 12. There were maybe a couple dozen people around watching the band. Trey spent the entire duration of the set skipping back and forth like a deranged schoolgirl as everyone around him desperately tried to not get hit.

He was at a recent show, too; it was The Front Bottoms last October in Rochester. This time, it was worse. By slamming into everyone around him and shoving around his other Trey-bros, he was making everyone feel unsafe. For fuck’s sake, it was The Front Bottoms; I should be focusing on how confusing girls are and how hard it is to be a white teenager, not desperately trying to avoid a black eye.

Trey was a much smaller guy than me, and I was still concerned; I can’t imagine how shitty it must be to deal with him if he significantly outweighs you. The worst part of this whole thing is that I have occasionally become Trey; although I meant no harm, I might have accidentally hurt someone at some point in a particularly rough pit. I feel deeply sorry about that.

Shows should be an accepting place. If you’re cool enough to know about a band and driven enough to get to one, you shouldn’t be unwelcome because you can’t go toe-to-toe with an elbow-flinging man-child. Think of all the cool people turned off to certain kinds of music because their shows are populated with these assholes. So say no to hardcore dancing, say no to not being excellent and say no to Trey.