When you young it seems like everyone is making decisions for you and trying to make you be a certain person. People are always struggling between who you want to be and who you are. It can feel like you are being pulled in a million directions, but it is important to stay true to yourself, and be who you are; don't try to fit into the mold of what people think you are.

This poem is how I got out of the mind set that my personality was already chosen for me.

How I Lost Myself

Kindergarten, in the library,

I choose a thick novel,

“Maybe choose something more on your level.”

But it was on my level, and if not, what is?

A smaller, easier book that did not challenge me.

We are all at the same place in life.

I forgot how to be poetic,

Somewhere in between the lines of fitting in.

I forgot how special I am,

Lost in the haze that I was one of them.

Finally walking down the right side of the hall,

Never feeling so left.

Seven years old, on the playground,

“Are you a tomboy?”

Dirty jeans, messy braids, filled with energy.

What makes me a girl?

Next year I bought a book to tell me so.

A lady does not rough house.

I forgot how to be myself,

While I was pretending to be fine.

I forgot my insanity,

As I left my beautiful mind.

I forgot how to be poetic,

Hating myself for things I couldn’t control.

Fifth grade, at graduation,

My aunt did my hair, mom bought me a dress.

I wanted a pantsuit but,

“Suits are not for girls.”

I forgot I did not define myself.

Now I am pretty and cute.

My bones are uncomfortable beneath my skin.

A thought gnawing at my mind,

“How can we help you?”

If you could peal my skin off,

And straighten out my skeleton,

Only then can you save me.

Sixth grade, new school,

My mom does not approve of my look.

I wore it anyway and no one minded.

Months later, same look, nothing crazy but,

Stigma from my sister made me change.

We all look the same.

Alone in a room filled with people,

We all drift in empty space.

Too scared to be different,

Yet too different to be scared.

Wishing to live by killing our minds,

Enslaved in death just to taste freedom.

Eighth grade, third chair saxophone,

My friend, seventh chair, looking miserable.

“You don’t belong there.”

I thought I was good enough,

Insecurities and the guilt consumed me.

Stick to the status quo.

If we were to open our souls,

To let others in, we might find peace in each other.

I don’t know why we waste so much time,

Being unhappy. They told us the world

Was our oyster,

But only in our youth.

Ninth grade, Magnet Program,

No friends, no problem.

New school once again, except,

No excitement just dreads.

“I am already working with someone else.”

Lunches spent in the library are not your fault.

I am not depressed,

But my thoughts are feared.

I am not at unrest,

And I am not weird.

Interaction I fight,

Because it seems I am unliked.

Tenth grade, end of the year,

72 periods missed, and five tardies.

Diagnosed with depression… again,

“It’s all in your head, toughen up.”

Now I am a lazy slacker,

Generation of the entitled and the weak.

I am not depressed,

But that is only because of my fears.

I am as mad as I seem,

I scream internally so you won’t hear.

The harsh words I speak I do not mean.

I am who I am, not because I want to be,

But because I think it’s what people want me to be,

I cut away myself as I do my flesh,

Gradually and with surprising ease.

Everyone forgives, forgets, and understands, until they don’t.

We are not all the same.

If you feel like you lost yourself there are ways to get back in-tuned with the song of you.

1. Do what you love

Think of all the things you love doing; do you still do them? If you have ever given up a hobby that you still enjoy, try to get back into it. As you get older life can become more hectic, so to find time to do what you enjoy can be hard. Always take an hour out of your day to focus on you, and rekindle the hobbies you put out.

2. Acceptance

You need to accept who you are and where you are in life. It is easy too look at over people and want what they have, or compare yourself to others, but then you can lose who your really are trying to be more like the people around you.Like who you are inside and out.

3. Reflection

This is a process that I call "assesmulation" which is a when you asses yourself and determine how that effects your life and if there are actions you need to purge. Sometimes you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Am I the person I want to be?" People always say to never change yourself, but sometimes it is a good thing when you're changing yourself to be better. By assesmulating yourself, you acknowlege any harmful things you could be doing, from hanging with the wrong people, from not being true with yourself. Reflecting on how you live forces you to be honest with yourself.

4. Own It

Own what you do and love it! If you did something embarrassing laugh at it, no one but you remember it anyway, so stop worrying about. You don't remember everything your friend does, so people don't remember everything you do. This means you can start over every day if you want to. You never have to be who you were yesterday, and once you realize that the possibilities of you are endless.

5. Who Cares

Who cares what other people think about you. I understand that sometimes public opinion can matter when applying for jobs or schools, but no one cares about what you wore to school or how you pronounce your "R's" weird. No one can determine who you are, but you. Other people's opinion of you doesn't matter, if you do what you love, enjoy how you live, are honest with yourself and understand your flaws, there is nothing anyone could say to make you any less than perfect.

Disclaimer: The poem above is a work of fiction. All resemblance to actual people, places, incidents, or things is completely coincidental.