When this summer began, I had absolutely no expectations. I knew I was going to be working a minimum of thirty hours a week in preparation for being abroad in the fall. I knew I was moving home for the summer. I knew that I had a wedding and a Taylor Swift concert to look forward to as nice breaks from my heavy work weeks.
So as I sit down to write my last article before I venture off into the great unknown that this world has to offer, I find myself pleasantly surprised about one thing that did happen this summer that I did not anticipate.
I learned to love myself.
Ever since I was seven or eight years old, I had been taught that I needed to change my body. I was never taught to love and accept my body for the wondrous things that it does. I saw one doctor who thought my weight wasn’t healthy for my age and thus began a vicious cycle of diets, binge eating, weird exercise regimes, and self-loathing that would carry me through adolescence into adulthood.
This summer, something changed. I didn’t lose weight, I didn’t exercise regularly. To be honest, I really didn’t care to try. But slowly, I learned to love myself despite the fact that I wasn’t living the healthiest lifestyle, something that past me couldn’t even fathom. As I reflect on this summer, I thought I would share with you all how I think I’ve come to start this new chapter of my life.
1.I set a personal goal that had nothing to do with my appearance.
I was determined to get promoted at work before I left for the fall. Every day I came to work, I strived to learn as much as possible about my new responsibilities and I worked my butt off. And I got my raise. Focusing on myself without thinking of how many pounds I needed to lose was really refreshing.
2. I found people in the media that I could identify with.
My mom didn’t like that I spent so much time on YouTube this summer, but once I discovered plus-sized beauty bloggers, I felt like I finally meant something to society. In traditional media, I rarely see anyone who looks like me. I feel like most women showcased by traditional women are tall, slender, and under a size eight. I fit none of these descriptors. So finding women who looked like me in the media was huge for me.
3. I let go of past relationships that were holding me down.
Being out of high school for two years now, I feel like I’ve finally had enough time to accept that there are friendships that I used to hold so dear that weren’t going to withstand the test of going separate ways to college and work and adulthood. A year ago, I was still devastated that my some of my best friends from high school now barely spoke to me, and that devastation caused a lot of self-doubt. But now, I treasure the friendships I’ve formed in college and have accepted that some relationships aren’t designed to last forever.
4. I stopped caring so much about what others thought of me.
I know that every self-help book and article and blog post tells you not to care so much, but as a person who struggles with anxiety, I overthink every little thing and tend to believe that others are constantly judging me. This summer, I just found myself not caring as much and doing what made me more comfortable, empowered, and happy.
5. I finally admitted that I deserved to have good things happen to me.
For the longest time, I have always put others first. I care a lot about the people that I love, I have never really been one to speak up, and I tend to let people walk all over me because I hate confrontation. I have always been that way. But I finally admitted that I am worth so much than that. I said it out loud. I wrote it down. I accepted that I should let good things happen to me. I understand that I have worked so hard to get to where I am today. I understand that I deserve to be happy.
I am not perfect. I still look in the mirror some days and think about all the things I’d like to change about my appearance. But I don’t spend the next few days depressed and angry at myself. I accept that everyone has off days. I accept myself despite the things about myself that I sometimes wish were different.
I love myself.
If you are looking for women in media who may stray from what is showcased in traditional media, these beautiful, creative, hard-working women have helped me immensely.
