A lot of people are shocked when I tell them I'm married. A lot of people at 22 years old aren't even thinking about marriage, but hey, I never liked waiting. Especially when I began dating my husband. I pretty much knew it was a sure thing, and as we approach one year of being husband and wife, it has solidified my realization that I found the perfect man for me.
Let me start out by saying, relationships for me hadn't been great up to this point. When I ended my relationship with my first serious boyfriend, he told all of his friends that I cheated on him. I still have people that dislike me over a lie. My second "boyfriend," aka my first love, cheated on me while we were long distance. My third relationship ended once I opened up about my past and my mental illness. I trusted him and thought he'd care for me once I revealed I wasn't a finished product. Big mistake that I'm beyond happy that I made. All these fails led me to understand what type of man I needed, and who deserved me. My husband proved it during our first date.
We worked together, and I honestly felt I had no chance. He was drop-dead gorgeous and came from Italy a few years ago. He spoke fluent Italian, and he was nice. So, he was essentially my dream guy. My mind does this thing where if I know I have no shot, I just shut that hope down and treat my crush as any other guy, basically blocking all feelings from developing. So no, I did not pay him any attention. He still holds that against me, jokingly of course.
He kept trying to talk to me, and since he didn't speak English and my Italian was very limited, our conversations didn't go very far. They ended in laughter and my bright red face. One day, he asked for my Facebook. I gave it to him and began to walk home. Just as I reached my house, I got my first message from him. We didn't go out right away because I was so nervous. But soon we did, and our first date was walking around our town. He put his arm around me like I was already his, and for some reason, I felt like it would be forever. I just knew he was it.
I really knew it when we sat on a bench and I told him everything. I cried, and I showed my pain. He saw my self-harm scars. But he didn't run away like everyone else. Instead, he moved closer and took my hand. And when he held it, I felt calm for the first time in many years. I felt like I could let out a huge breath that I didn't even know I had been holding. I felt ten pounds lighter. I just knew that everything was going to be fine. That's why I fell in love with him. He was the first man to make me feel like who I was, right at that moment, was enough. And plus, he was insanely hot. Once we were officially together, he told everyone he could at our job. One friend came to me and said, "He looks so excited." I had never been with someone who was EXCITED to be with me before. It was an amazing feeling.
I had spent my whole life hiding behind a mask, and with my husband, I could finally take it off. I could be myself, with the good things and the bad things. I didn't have to pretend. And in that way, when I was happy, it lasted a lot longer. I found someone who liked my makeup, but also tried to kiss me bare faced wearing lip hair removal cream. He is the real deal, and he shows it over and over.
Our marriage isn't perfect, nor are we the perfect couple. We differ greatly on a lot of things, in certain ways we are completely different people. We've fought terribly and still do occasionally. However, we always end it because we love each other, and the thing we're fighting over won't matter tomorrow. I can't even explain how much I love the little things in life again, because of my husband. Going to the grocery store with him is exciting. The future looks like it's mine for the taking. We have one beautiful daughter together, and I can't wait to have more kids with him. I have my own little family, and after all of the crap I've been through in my life, it's the best gift that was worth waiting for.
To the boyfriend who didn't treat me like I deserved and told everyone I was a disgusting cheater, thank you. To my first love who kissed another girl while I dropped out of school to work so I could come visit him, thank you. To the guy who I "turned off" and left me because I bared my soul, thank you. To all the men who've broken my heart, thank you a million times over. And I think you know why I'm thanking you.
M, I love you with everything in me. You are my dream come true over and over, and I can't believe that I lived my whole life not knowing you. It's time wasted, but I hope we can make it up with the rest of our lives. I never thought a man could be beautiful to me until now. But, I think I get to be something even more beautiful. I get to be your wife.
Happy Anniversary.