How Joel Osteen Changed My Life

How Joel Osteen Changed My Life

By a complete accident and perfect timing.
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When I first found out I was pregnant with our youngest, I cried. For weeks. I cried because I wasn't sure how we were going to do it. Just the week before I found out we had another one on the way, my husband and I had discussed only having our one child. He had already planned it out in his head to only have one, because having two daughters might just put us over the edge. But then to find out that I was pregnant again and our first wasn't even a year old yet? Whew. Let me tell you.

Having a child is hard! Being responsible for another person's life outside of your own is hard. It will drive you crazy, make you obsessive and keep you awake at night. I have nightmares, a few times a week, about protecting our oldest. I lie awake at night having what if moments.

What if I'm not that good at being a mom? What if she gets hurt? How do I know when to take her to the doctor? What happens when she starts kindergarten? How do you even start the process of getting enrolled?

She was the light of our lives. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, and was the last thing I prayed about before falling asleep. I would literally breathe her in every second I was around her. I was EXCITED to wake up at 6 a.m. and snuggle her. See, crazy! Kids make you crazy.

Then, when I found out about being pregnant again, a whole different set of crazy questions started flooding my mind. How could I ever love another child the way I did her? Were we robbing her of her childhood? What happens if they didn't like each other? What if she didn't like us? How were we going to make it? How were we going to survive on our incomes, we were barely surviving with one kid.

The day before my first OB appointment with our youngest, I was a mess. I felt guilty that I wasn't excited like I was with our first. I felt like there was something wrong because I just didn't feel the same. I couldn't fall asleep the night before. I just kept having awful thoughts.

Then. Ugh, then. Right before I started to drift off to sleep, that (stinking) Joel Osteen came on talking about how people say that their child was an accident. Not that their living, breathing child was an accident, but that their getting pregnant was unplanned...therefore accident. He said it always drove him crazy because no child was an accident. Every child had a purpose, every child was planned. Every child is fearfully and wonderfully made.

It was that moment I gave up all fear, anxiety, and sadness about having another child. It was then that I let go of all worry for her, and us. I gave it all, because God has a plan. Always has, always will.

These past few weeks have been a struggle for me. I have cried several times because being a parent is hard. I've had several friends say how lucky I am that I get to stay at home with our kids. How lucky it is that I don't miss any mile stones. And it's true. I am lucky. But weeks like these past few, I lose sight of that. When our oldest acts like a nut, the youngest doesn't sleep and all I want to do is eat chocolate and feel sorry for myself, I lose sight of that. Then I remember, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

What the girls are going through, the different stages of childhood are rough, and what I'm dealing with right now, is only a small piece of the puzzle that makes up our lives. I will be so thankful in a few years knowing that I got to spend most of their childhood at home with them. So here I am again, giving it all back. I'm giving all my grief, anxiety, and sadness back to Him. I refuse to be frustrated all the time. He has a plan and I'm just sticking to it. Every slap in the face, poop on the wall, sleepless night, every fight I have to break up, I am sticking to it.

I still don't have all the answers. I couldn't tell you if our girls are behind or ahead of the growth curve because they haven't stepped foot in a doctor's office in at least six months. I have no clue where to look for pre-k programs for our oldest. I have no idea if our kids are geuinely nice people, but I do know one thing. They were both fearfully and wonderfully made, and that has to account for something, right?

Cover Image Credit: Carly Marmen Photography

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Dear Mom, I Hope You Know

I hope you know that I am here for you--until the very end.
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Dear Mom,

I hope you know that I appreciate you.

You are the hardest working woman I know, continuously putting your family before yourself. Thank you for doing all of the tedious jobs that no one wants to do like keeping the house in order, cooking the food, and doing the laundry. Thank you for constantly putting up with my siblings and I. Thank you for always supporting us in our interests and hobbies. Thank you for investing in our daily lives and listening to our minor problems. Thank you for always loving us unconditionally.

SEE ALSO: 51 Things My Mom Didn't Think I Was Listening To...

I hope you know I'm sorry.

I know I can be a big pain in the butt sometimes, and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you, arguing with you, not listening to you, and making dumb decisions at times, but thank you for loving me anyways. Thank you for helping me stand back up, teaching me right from wrong, and pushing me to be the very best version of me.

I hope you know your love inspires me.

You live your life with a love that is contagious. Whether its nurturing love, tough love, friendly love, or romantic love, you have it all and you show it daily. The love you and Dad share is something I hope to find one day and the love you have for your family is evident in the way you constantly put us first.

I hope you know that you are my biggest role model and hero.

Ever since I was a little girl, you have been the person I have looked to in my life. You are strong, independent, confident, loving, supportive, and nurturing-- everything I strive to be as a woman and as a future mother. You give the best advice, even when I don't always take it. Though, I should know better by now because mothers always know best. Without you in my life, I honestly don't know where I'd be.

I hope you know that you are my best friend.

Not only are you my biggest cheerleader supporting me in everything I do, you are the person I talk to about everything, whether it's good or bad. I'm honestly so thankful for the relationship we share because I've had countless screwups and you literally give the best advice. Seriously, thank you for being the person I can count on at all times, at any time of the day or even night to just talk with. I mean we really do have some of the best conversations, best laughs, best cries (when needed), and the most fun watching cheesy chick flicks together or going on crazy shopping adventures.

SEE ALSO: I'm The Girl With The Cool Mom

I hope you know that I am here for you--until the very end.

I don't mean to make you cry or anything -- even though you probably already are, but I want you to know that when the time comes, I'm going to be there for you just like all of these years you've been here for me. I will be there to support you, talk with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and love you for all of my life.

Honestly, I can't really imagine my life without you -- but it doesn't matter because I wouldn't be here without you, so here's to you.

Thank you for being you.

Love you lots!

Your daughter.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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10 Things Your Mom Tells You By 15 That Make More Sense In Your 20s

When I think about the most important lessons I'm taking with me into my early 20s, these are 10 pieces of advice that make a lotttt more sense now.

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At 15 years old, I thought I knew a lot about the world. I thought I knew most things that were necessary to being successful or having friends or being close with my family. Luckily, I had someone to show me the ropes: my mom. It's not that I was wrong in thinking that the lessons I had learned were valuable, but it's that I didn't know how much I would continue to learn as life happened.

1. When your personality is ugly, your looks will follow

It is really hard for a 15 year old girl to believe that people aren't as attractive when they have an awful personality, but now that I am in my 20's I can definitely see the truth in this.

2. Your metabolism won't stay the same forever

Ha, yes. When I look back at pictures from high school I'm constantly thinking to myself "Why did I think I was fat?"

3. You don't want to be one of those girls who peaks in high school

It's hard to understand this when you're in high school and living through its highs and lows, but I'm so glad that I went through what I did.

4. *Insert THAT girl's name* IS peaking in high school

My mom was ALWAYS right about this. Always.

5. Nothing has ever been solved by overthinking a situation

I still can't think of a time this hasn't been true.

6. *Insert tiny problem* isn't worth getting worked up over

Whether this was about a fight with my best friends, a break up with an ex or college apps, looking back on it my mom was right; none of those problems were worth the tears or the energy.

7. Sleep is way more important than you think it is

Even though I know some people can thrive off of 4 hours of sleep literally every night, but I need my 8 hours like I need to breathe.

8. Not everything is what it seems like on social media

Instagram wasn't nearly as popular as it is now, but my mom was way ahead of her time when she told me that not everything on social media is accurate. TBT to the time when" Instagram Influencer" wasn't something you could put on a resume.

9. You are smarter than you think you are, but not as smart as your mom

Yeaaaaa....I'm still learning this one.

10. Your friends from high school won't be your friends forever

I went through a few different friend groups in high school, not without unnecessary drama or controversy, but my mom's advice (once again) was true. I only hang out with about 7 people from high school and I couldn't be happier.

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