Not worthwhile.

That's the simplest way to put it, but for the sake of letting my feelings out and possibly moving on, I'm not going to be simple.

He used to make me feel comfortable. And more often than not, he made me feel content. He was my very own security blanket and that was something that i desperately needed.

He made me feel loved. Not because he actually loved me, just because he knew how to make me feel things. He was really good at making me feel such intense things both good and bad.

He made me feel nervous. I think he enjoyed it — he claims it was because he thought it was cute. My nerves didn't make me feel cute though. They made me second guess him and every word that fell out of his perfect mouth. My nerves knew something my heart had yet to figure out.

He made me feel like I always came second. I always accepted and expected to come second to things like work and family. But then I came second to Uno games with friends every night. I was less accepting of that but just the same — I expected it.

He made me feel used. Towards the end of our relationship, he stopped calling me baby and the "I love you's" stopped, not on my end but always on his. However, they would creep back up into his vocabulary when he wanted to talk about more explicit things because he knew how hearing terms of endearment made me feel. They would get him what he wanted and then he could leave me on read and go on with his day as mine went on thinking my relationship might not be doomed after all.

He made me feel undesirable. Now maybe that sounds condescending considering I said he liked his fair share of explicit conversations. But being told my boyfriend wants to have sex with me instead of him letting me know how beautiful I was or how good I looked didn't make me feel desired. Lusted after maybe, but never desired.

He made me feel stupid. I believed every word he ever said and none of them were true. He didn't love me. I'm not even sure he ever liked me. He never wanted to make things work because he never tried. Everything was false and I believed every meaningless word.

He made me feel like I wasn't worthwhile , and that hurt the absolute most.