Why Having An Estranged Father Makes Dating Scary In 2017

Why Having An Estranged Father Makes Dating Scary In 2017

Daddy issues are real people.

When I fell I wasn’t told to brush it off, don’t cry about it or just laugh about it. It just happened with no direction, I chose the outcome every time when I fell. Getting up was just half of the problem, going about the rest of my day with this incident was the other half. Displayed throughout media the daughter is picked up by her father, he made sure the rest of her day was not jeopardized because of her falling. Not me.

Dating is scary because you don’t know if the person you want to be with is going help you when you fall. You don’t know if they will accept you for who you are and not what you were. You do not know if having this abandonment in your life makes you seem isolated, distant and silent. You do not know if you will be in more pain if things do not end well. Dating is hard no doubt, but dating when you have never had this loving from a man who truly loves you is even harder. It’s difficult to give him everything because you do not know what he wants. How much love and nurturing do you give to this man? How does this man see his women? Why does he want me when my own father didn’t? Does this mean I am not capable of being loved by a man?

Opening up to other guys is extremely hard. We are usually not observant of our own selves, but I know my refusal to let men into my life is because of my estranged father. What sort of man am I supposed to be looking for? I refuse to let another man into my life because of every source of neglect that was left. I refuse to let the man who has interest in me have the opportunity to know me because my own father did not want to. How am I supposed to hold a man? Is my embrace suppose to feel weak or strong? I refuse to let him do nice things for me. SImply because I never felt that men could do nice things. I refuse to let him love me because how am I supposed to know what sort of love or feeling that is? I don’t want him to fall for me because I am beyond terrified that I will mess it up. Or he will just end up leaving because it seems that easy. So, so easy. I’m afraid that I will say I love him and not truly mean it. Because those just seem like words. I’m not looking to fulfill the void because it's been so empty for so long that I didn’t think I need it. They always say you should marry the man who is like your father, but what sort of man would that make me marry? I’m scared.

But I’m working on it. I refuse to let my estranged father control every aspect of my life. It is so strange to know that being in someone's arms holds a sense of security, compassion, hope and pride. I did not know these feelings until I started dating. For the longest time I avoided speaking to boys anymore than a friend. I did not know how dating will go for me. Or if I will ever date.

To those who also have the estranged father I know the struggle, fear and sadness. But I am one hundred percent certain this void of abandonment, neglect, unreturnable love will have a solution because there is something, if not someone else, that will make love come easy and that void will shrink.

Cover Image Credit: UnSplash

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Ladies, This You're Dating Jerks Because You Don't Know Your Worth

I have fallen down the same path of finding a guy who would rather text one-word responses than get to know me.

Attention all female sub-tweeters, broken heart club members, and everyone in between. As a fellow woman, I feel it is my obligation to give you the honest truth about our current relationship climate.

I know that most of you can tell me a story about a time a guy "ghosted" you, or played you like a fiddle before moving on to the next girl. I know that you have saved text messages from guys who turned out to be complete jerks when you thought they were the sweetest man alive.

We've suffered through many miscommunications and bad dates for the truth, so it is time for me to give you the non-sugarcoated truth about dating. You don't know your worth... that's the secret to your failed attempts at dating.

Guys and girls alike are tricky when it comes to dating, but why do you settle for a guy who doesn't want to return your messages, or wants to see another girl on the side?

Why do you want the guy who only Snapchats you and can barely carry a conversation with you in person? Why do you want the guy who would rather see your nude photos than one of you smiling?

See my point? I am not being hypocritical here, trust me. I have fallen down the same path of finding a guy who would rather text one-word responses than get to know me, but we are worth so much more.

You are worth flowers and good dates. You are worth thousands of smiling pictures and hand holding. You deserve a guy that is good to your family and also treats you like a princess.

When you start seeing that worth, relationships will change. You start finding guys with goals, morals, and immense love for you.You start giving yourself the benefit of the doubt and forgiving yourself for more things.

Dating will get better when you realize what you deserve. Take it from me. I was stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship where I thought I deserved that love. Now, I am head over heels for a man who chooses me and chooses to propel me towards my dreams.

It will change. You are worth the world. Don't forget that.

Cover Image Credit: maxpixel.freegreatpicture.com

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Loveless in College-attle

Part Four: The Week of Love and Not So Bad Embarassment

As Week 4: The Week of Love comes to a close I have learned a couple things.

1. When you don't have a partner to share your love with you always have your girls to back you up

2. If fail to succeed, try try, and try again

Those are the two main goals I have learned this week.

I went into this week thinking I would be super depressed seeing a bunch of couplely things and what not but in actuality, I didn't. I saw very few of it. This left a pondering question in my head. Was being single the new norm? After all these years of PDA smothered in our faces was being alone and embracing our lonesomeness finally the move?

I;m not saying I was happy to see a lot of single people alone but it was comforting to know and understand that hey you aren't the only one.

If anything this week I have felt super happy. My friends have given me enormous amounts of laughter and enjoyment. Especially through my embarrassment.

So this week a set out to see Bubbalicious boy again and advance our un-official relationship. I had everything scripted out in my head and a backup backup plan in stone in case things went sour. I also had my girl with me to help me out.

Let me just say that social anxiety is a pain in the butt. While walking up to see said guy my friend coached me through it all. However once I physically stood in front of said guy I froze and panicked. I was completely disappointed in myself.

My friend ended up doing all the talking for me and instead of her being just the friend that was there, I ended up being the friend that was just there.

Thank God for the atmosphere being noisy because at least he couldn't hear the inaudible noises I was making because I was so nervous.

Later I saw him again outside, well my friend saw him. She urged me to wave but a thought it would be weird especially if he wasn't looking but the friends surrounding him happened to look. Unfortunately he did end up looking and I'm pretty sure all he saw was me scurrying away but at least my friend got to make the eye contact for me So hypothetically the eye contact was for me. Which means I'm the rose sooooo technically that means we are the rose. Yeah, for sure.

Long story short I blew that opportunity but on the bright side he followed my finsta that has no recollection that it is actually me.

So i.e. a win win situation.

But in a nutshell Week 4 left some good memories and laughable moments that my friends are going to hang over my head forever and also experience. Crushes will forever be the death of people but hey you always need a good laugh and baby steps. Plus as a reward to myself I'm going to see Black Panther.

Two times the charm am I right?

Cover Image Credit: daya e dodson

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