Why Having An Estranged Father Makes Dating Scary In 2017

Why Having An Estranged Father Makes Dating Scary In 2017

Daddy issues are real people.
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When I fell I wasn’t told to brush it off, don’t cry about it or just laugh about it. It just happened with no direction, I chose the outcome every time when I fell. Getting up was just half of the problem, going about the rest of my day with this incident was the other half. Displayed throughout media the daughter is picked up by her father, he made sure the rest of her day was not jeopardized because of her falling. Not me.

Dating is scary because you don’t know if the person you want to be with is going help you when you fall. You don’t know if they will accept you for who you are and not what you were. You do not know if having this abandonment in your life makes you seem isolated, distant and silent. You do not know if you will be in more pain if things do not end well. Dating is hard no doubt, but dating when you have never had this loving from a man who truly loves you is even harder. It’s difficult to give him everything because you do not know what he wants. How much love and nurturing do you give to this man? How does this man see his women? Why does he want me when my own father didn’t? Does this mean I am not capable of being loved by a man?

Opening up to other guys is extremely hard. We are usually not observant of our own selves, but I know my refusal to let men into my life is because of my estranged father. What sort of man am I supposed to be looking for? I refuse to let another man into my life because of every source of neglect that was left. I refuse to let the man who has interest in me have the opportunity to know me because my own father did not want to. How am I supposed to hold a man? Is my embrace suppose to feel weak or strong? I refuse to let him do nice things for me. SImply because I never felt that men could do nice things. I refuse to let him love me because how am I supposed to know what sort of love or feeling that is? I don’t want him to fall for me because I am beyond terrified that I will mess it up. Or he will just end up leaving because it seems that easy. So, so easy. I’m afraid that I will say I love him and not truly mean it. Because those just seem like words. I’m not looking to fulfill the void because it's been so empty for so long that I didn’t think I need it. They always say you should marry the man who is like your father, but what sort of man would that make me marry? I’m scared.

But I’m working on it. I refuse to let my estranged father control every aspect of my life. It is so strange to know that being in someone's arms holds a sense of security, compassion, hope and pride. I did not know these feelings until I started dating. For the longest time I avoided speaking to boys anymore than a friend. I did not know how dating will go for me. Or if I will ever date.

To those who also have the estranged father I know the struggle, fear and sadness. But I am one hundred percent certain this void of abandonment, neglect, unreturnable love will have a solution because there is something, if not someone else, that will make love come easy and that void will shrink.

Cover Image Credit: UnSplash

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8 Solid Date Ideas For Couples Who Drink Beer

Don't go on another boring date. Throw axes, launch golf balls. Be the fun couple.

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Fact: there are two types of people in this world.

  1. People who say, "dating is hard these days."
  2. People who plan dates around boozing.

If you've ever been on a bad date, specifically if you are a beer drinker, I'm going to assume you didn't put much effort into planning the date, let alone the beer you planned on drinking. Yes, everyone has their own expectations when it comes to date activities.

But rather than focus on differences, why not plan your date around something you have in common: a love for good beer?

Don't have any ideas? We got your back. Whether you've been dating for two weeks or nearly two years, here's a list of unique date ideas that include everyone's favorite third wheel, booze.

1. Blind Beer Tasting

Sometimes the perfect date night could very well be from the comfort of home. Movies and pizza are usually what's up for a low-key night, but have you ever considered something as underrated as blind beer tasting? It's a fun way to do something different with your partner, getting your taste buds boppin', experimenting with new drinks. Make the night super official with some beer tasting score cards so you know what to get for next time, or what to never, ever get again for the remainder of your existence.

2. Top Golf

A little competition never hurt anybody, right? It doesn't matter if you're the next Tiger Woods or don't have a single athletic bone in your body, Top Golf is a guaranteed good time. There's literally zero pressure because all you have to do is wave around a golf club trying not to look stupid. Share some laughs, get some embarrassing pictures or videos, munch on some apps, and sip (or pound down) some tasty brews.

3. Axe Throwing

Unless you live under a rock, you'll know that axe throwing is booming and locations are opening up almost everywhere. The Canadian backyard pastime might seem a little odd, but it's AXE-tually a lot of fun. You can bring your own food and who doesn't like food? Alcohol IS permitted at specific locations, so call ahead! Just remember to throw responsibly, because if you aren't married yet you can't collect that insurance premium.

4. College Football Saturdays and Football Sundays

For most guys (and some gals) this is the best time of the year. Weekends in the fall are completely devoted to football. Even if you're not the biggest football fan, you can still have a blast taking part in the social aspect while being a spectator. Some bars are team-themed, so make sure to look up some places and get there early. FYI: this works for almost all sporting and pay-per-view events. Including, but not limited to; the Olympics, boxing, American Ninja Warrior, etc…

5. Check out a local brewery

Craft breweries are perfect date spots. Fun but low-key (read as: you can still have a conversation). And they're full of great beer. If you're ever on the East Coast, you have to hit up Victory Brewing Company's Taprooms & Breweries located in Chester County, PA. One of the perks of craft breweries as a date spot is the local culture and small-town vibes we all love to love. I recommend Victory because they have all that plus one of the strongest beer line-ups in the country, including tastings for new experimental beers. If you can make a day of it, I suggest you do. They have trivia during the week, live local bands, and the food is awesome. Get a pretzel and beer cheese. It's wicked good.

6. Booze Cruise

A different, cool way to party. Whether it's just you two or you're with a group of other couples, booze cruises are a more sophisticated way to indulge. I mean, let's face it, we're all high-key trying to hold onto the savage tolerances we used to have in college and it's nights like this, where we try (really, really hard) reliving it. The city skylines and marina views alone are simply breathtaking. All you need to do is show some ID, pay admission, and pray the rest of the night calls for smooth sailing.

7. Pick a theme and plan your own Bar (beer) Crawl

Going on adventures with your other half is proven to bring you closer together. Pick a theme with your significant other, and plan a beer crawl using Google Maps. Try picking new bars you haven't been to before! At the end of your crawl, hit up your favorite bar or better yet, the first bar you guys met or went to as a couple.

8. Wedding Crashing... IRL

I know this sounds a little far-fetched, but if it's done right this could lead to the most epic of nights. You know when people bring dates who the bride and groom have never even met? Or heard a member of the wedding party be like, "Yea, I don't even know half of these people"? UM, hello! You could be "these people!" Almost all weddings are destined to have good booze, and, unless the father of the bride is a legit serial killer, it's probably an open bar.

The most important part of any date is planning to share good beer, but don't sleep on picking a good partner. Find someone who compliments you the way Victory's Golden and Sour Monkeys compliment each other. These beers are distinctly different but make the perfect duo. Check out their beer finder to see where you can snag some brewskis with your booski. Cheers!

Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

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To The College Student Who Is Too Overwhelmed For A Relationship, You're Strong Enough On Your Own

Sorry, I can't date you because you don't fit into my color-coded, pre-scheduled day.

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With the holidays coming up I'd like to share this fact: I. am. too. busy. for. boys.

We all hear constantly, from parents, relatives, and friends: "when are you going to settle down and find someone?"

The answer: once I'm done with vet school, or whatever else I want to achieve.

I am taking 19 credits, working 30 hours a week, desperately trying to find time to have some alone time when a resident isn't knocking or I'm not studying organic chemistry for eight hours straight. I barely have time to go to the gym, or lie on my floor and cry. Am I really going to have time to go on a date with another Chad and make small talk about the Patriots scores until my ears fall off? Nope, definitely not. Personally, I would rather spend my few moments of free time with my friends or with animals.

Even though I've explained this multiple times, I still get the family member asking me about boyfriends or presuming I am homosexual since I've never had a relationship. I just don't have the time or energy to put into another person when I am barely sleeping six hours a night. I have pre-scheduled shower times, do you really think I can go out and get coffee and share my feelings?

Vet school is the hardest thing I might have to do in my whole life, and I'm sure that others can agree with their chosen careers. I will not lose sight of my dreams because someone told me I should find a boyfriend.

"But being with someone might help you relieve stress!" Find me an unproblematic boy who is over 6-ft, willing to sit with me while I do homework in complete silence, hang out maybe once a week, barely text me, spend time with my friends, and then I'll believe you. I don't want someone to have to sacrifice their time when I am not willing to sacrifice mine for theirs. It's not fair to either of us.

If you're in the same boat as me, do what I do, and just ramble about everything you're doing until they get overwhelmed and stop asking. If they don't stop, kindly lie and say you're currently in the midst of seeing someone and then describe the plot of an obscure romance movie you watched when you were 13. This should work on family members, friends, and the occasional boy you really don't want to talk to.

Always remember: do not be ashamed of not having anybody, because it means you're plenty strong on your own. Don't focus on the pressures placed on you to find someone and settle down. You don't need validation from anyone on your life and your decisions. Please do not jump into a relationship with the first person you can because you feel you have to. If things work out, great, but make sure you can handle all the commitments you're juggling.

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