As I entered college this fall, I expected the transition to be a mess. I had it in my mind I would be homesick, a nervous wreck, and would leave my room as little as possible. I thought this because I endured a battle with anxiety the previous year to which I couldn't see an end. I thought I wasn't going to make it on my own, but oh how wrong I was. Our God is a miracle worker, folks, and I am living proof of that.

It all started in 2015, the worst year. In February, a close friend lost her father, who was basically a 2nd father to me. The following month, my grandparents' house burned down. They lost everything but their lives. In June, my dad was in a terrible car accident. He walked away unscathed, but our mini-van, a part of our family, was practically split down the middle. None of these tragedies directly affected me, but I have always been one to carry the burdens of those close to me in addition to my own. I took on those burdens and internalized everything. The bottle I made myself into and closed so tight was due to burst. Right before the first day of my senior year, the pressure became too much and burst it did.

I could write a series of articles on anxiety itself and all I experienced, but here are the spark notes version: it was the worst and it was never ending. Day in and day out, I was constantly either worried, nauseous, felt like I might burst into tears, felt as if my heart were being squeezed, or all at once. I lost over 10 lbs. and cried every night. I struggled not only with my symptoms but with my identity as well. Anxiety had overtaken every part of me and I thought it had become me. Life was awful and I couldn't see an end to my suffering, but still I prayed. Every day I asked God, "Why?". I begged him to change and heal me, but I never did forget to thank Him. I thanked God for the support system he had given me. I thanked Him for my mother who held me when I sobbed and cried out over and over again, "Why me? Why?". I thanked Him for my best friend who let me text her all the time to help me work things out or serve as a much-needed distraction. And I thanked Him for another dear friend who offered me spiritual guidance, support, prayer, and a daily dose of joy and light.

All this definitely is not to say I lost faith in the Lord. I actually did the opposite. I trusted Him the whole way through. I knew and God knew my biggest weaknesses: I'm shy, worry too much, and lack basic confidence. So what did God do? Amplified my weaknesses and threw me in situation after situation in which I had to face them. This lasted for weeks on end. But you know what? God is sovereign and His plan worked. Granted, my weaknesses still exist, but God is working in me. He is turning my weaknesses into strengths; He has become my confidence.

So, what really happened when I started college is as follows. I arrived and got settled. I did feel a little off but excited more than anything. I made friends, went and did things out of my comfort zone, worked sorta hard and got good grades, and learned how to live on my own. Notice something? Not once did I worry. I trusted God. I rested in His promises, I rejoiced with Him. I never left His side and He never left mine. I made it through because I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. God is that light. He has taken fear's place in my heart. He has given me faith and has never left my side. Putting my faith and trust in God has been more than worth it because he has never once let me down.

This goes to show that suffering is not pointless. God does have a plan and he does intend to make all things work together for our good. It may be hard to see in the midst of whatever it is He throws at you, but His aim in doing so is to solidify your faith and to remind you trusting Him takes you far.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6