This past weekend, I went on a road trip. It all started because my friend, let's call him B, is leaving for basic training for the Marine Corp in January. Our other friend, call him D, is going on his fourth year in the Air Force. In order for me and D to say goodbye to B, B and I had to go to the Little Rock Air Force Base to visit D.
On the way down, we blared music and sang at the top of our lungs and caught up, I haven't seen B in months. We talked about the good ol' days on the robotics team and all the adventures we went on with D. We talked about my dad, who passed three and a half years ago. I started to realize how much of myself I've suppressed over my first two and a half years at college. I'm weird. Like crazy and bubbly and insane and people used to love that about me. I think I grew up a little too much at college. I've toned it down but I really didn't need to. This is my time to have fun and I'm trying too hard to be the adult I don't have to be quite yet.
When I saw D, I hugged him so tight. I only see him once a year at most, but this year I was lucky enough to see him twice. D's girlfriend, A, came from 2 hours north to spend the weekend with us. We got dinner and played 'Never have I ever.' Yes, it's a childish game, but I love it because I like knowing fun facts about people. The next morning we cooked a big breakfast and I convinced them to go to a state park along the Mississippi River. Do you ever have that moment when you're driving on a long stretch of road and you have clarity? I had that. I sang and talked to A in the back while B and D caught up, and I felt perfectly in place. That was where I was meant to be in that moment of my life. D drove us all the way to Memphis, Tennessee just to eat the best ribs I've ever had, we explored, and were on the road again.
This park was not like other parks. It was driveway-wide dirt road, no signs, no welcome center. We eventually found the Mississippi and we watched a barge chug down the river. I've never seen the river but it was so big and immense it looked like a Great Lake from where we sat in the woods. Another moment of clarity, I wish I could be like the river. Slow and constant and peaceful, yet dangerous. That night, we went to the VFW Halloween party. A and I sang so much karaoke and laughed. I haven't sung for a crowd in a long time. I used to perform live in my town, something I've lost over the years. Why did I let myself stray so far from the free spirit I used to be?
On the way back to Michigan, I realized how badly I needed this trip. How lost I've been without realizing it. I need to be crazy and wild and free. I need to go back to not giving a sh*t what anyone thinks of my outgoing personality, my flirty friendliness, and my spitfire attitude, always having something smart to say. I need to feel beautiful and loved and remember that, even though most of my high school friends don't talk to me anymore, I have some pretty amazing people in my life that I need to keep up with. These two boys and my new friend made me feel like me again, and I cherished every moment of my trip. I'm home and I'm ready to make the changes necessary to become the person I've always hidden from the world. I've made a pretty big decision over the past week, but I'll share that another time.
If you have the opportunity, I encourage you to go on a trip with old friends. You don't have to go all the way to Arkansas, of all places, but you should go far enough to clear your mind and forget about your responsibilities. Just explore and laugh and embrace every little thing. You won't regret it.
